https://nicktomasello.com Nick Tomasello Mon, 12 Jun 2023 03:29:31 +0000 https://nicktomasello.com en https://nicktomasello.com/4 Mon, 12 Jun 2023 03:29:31 +0000 Nick Tomasello https://nicktomasello.com/4 2020- ‘the yeezy factory’ - ibsn-13: 979-8666380086 , read here https://nicktomasello.com/1 Wed, 09 Feb 2022 14:47:08 +0000 Nick Tomasello https://nicktomasello.com/1 The Yeezy Factory, May 2020 (self-published)<img width="1275" height="1650" width_o="1275" height_o="1650" data-src="https://freight.cargo.site/t/original/i/5d21a09715f44f4c9d29e779215a3c649b131222c375ac8a1a37a69362d03f1e/YEEZY_FACTORY_COVER.png" data-mid="132967558" border="0" data-scale="33" src="https://freight.cargo.site/w/1000/i/5d21a09715f44f4c9d29e779215a3c649b131222c375ac8a1a37a69362d03f1e/YEEZY_FACTORY_COVER.png" /> original illustrations by trinity mcfillen This very old lady is the mother of Ms. Bucket. Her name is Grandma Georgia. And this is Ms. Bucket. “How’d you do? And how’d you do? And how’d you do again?” Ms. Bucket has two kids, her oldest, Colin, and her youngest, Rudy. This is Rudy. “Helllllooo!!!”. Rudy grins with a mixed mouth full of children and adult teeth. The Bucket’s are pleased to meet you. The whole of this family -- the two grown-ups, one teenager (count them) and little Rudy Bucket -- live together in a small one-bedroom apartment on the edge of 78th Street, South Shore, Chicago, Illinois. The apartment wasn’t nearly large enough for so many people, and life was extremely uncomfortable for them all. There were only two rooms in the place altogether, and there was only one bed. The bed was given to Grandma Georgia because she was so old and tired. She hardly got out of it. Ms. Bucket, Colin, and little Rudy Bucket slept in the living room/kitchen, upon mattresses on the floor. In the summertime, this wasn’t too bad, but in the winter, freezing Chicago winds blew across the floor all night long, and it was awful. There wasn’t any question of them being able to rent a better apartment -- or even one more bed to sleep in. They were far too poor for that. Ms. Bucket was the only person in the family with a job. She worked as a Kindergarten teacher’s assistant, where she sat through the day and stapled papers for the teachers to pass out to students. But a teacher’s assistant is never paid very much money, and poor Ms. Bucket, however hard she worked, and however fast she stapled those papers, was never able to make enough to buy one half of the things her boys wanted. While there was enough money to buy proper food and electricity for them all, there was no Wi-fi, iPhones, Playstation, or entertainment to be had inside. The Buckets, of course, enjoyed each other’s company, but every one of them -- the old grandmother, Rudy’s brother, Rudy’s mother, and especially little Rudy himself-- found themselves longing for the amusement of Wicker Park, Wrigleyville, and Downtown Chicago. Although his mother and brother often traveled near the Chicago city limits, young Rudy was either at school, or indoors with his Grandma. He desperately wanted something more spirited and satisfying than his surroundings. The only thing he longed for more than anything else was ..... MUSIC. Walking from school one afternoon, Rudy found a disposed keyboard laying outside a dumpster. He brought it home immediately, and while it’s power source was nonfunctioning, he began to play the keys like mad. Many times a day, he would hear other children at school talking about the newest King Von or Lil Durk projects.. Both rappers he’s only heard of. Only once a year, on his birthday, did Rudy Bucket ever get a piece of music; a new LP to play on Grandma Georgia’s ancient, broken record player. His whole family saved their money for that special occasion, and when that great day arrived, Rudy was presented with a new record to add to his small, but growing collection. He would place it carefully in a small wooden box that he owned, and treasure it as though it were solid gold. For the 364 days that followed, he spent each one reading, and dissecting the record’s lyrics and artwork. While listening on the fossilized record player was a challenge, Rudy tried to make the most of it. But I haven’t told you about the one thing that tortured little Rudy, the lover of music, more than anything else. This thing, for him, was far, far worse than overhearing his classmates talk about the new Calboy track. In his neighborhood itself, actually within sight of the house in which Rudy lived, there was an ENORMOUS MUSIC AND MANUFACTURING COMPANY. Just imagine that! And it wasn’t simply an ordinary “company” either. It was home of the YEEZY FACTORY, owned by a man named Mr. Kanye West, the greatest artist and maker of clothes that there has ever been. And what a tremendous, marvelous place it was! It had huge iron coliseum gates surrounding it, and a stripped back, sleek, minimalist exterior design (very Apple). Outside the walls, in every direction, sounds of samples, drums, and other instrumental fragments were to be heard across the perimeter. Twice a day, on his way to and from school, little Rudy Bucket had to walk right past the gates of the factory. And every time he went by, he would begin to walk very, very slowly, hoping to hear a musical motif of any sort... a bar, drum pattern, sample, bass line... Oh how he loved the sounds! And oh, how he wished he could go inside the factory and see what it was like! In the evenings, after he had finished his supper, Rudy always went into the bedroom to listen to his Grandma Georgia’s stories, and then afterwards to say goodnight. Grandma Georgia was nearly ninety. She was as shrivelled as prunes, as bony as a skeleton. Throughout the day, until Rudy made his appearance, she laid huddled in her bed, dozing the time away with nothing to do. But as soon as she heard the door opening, and heard Rudy’s voice saying, “Good evening Mom and Grandma and Colin,” all three of them gave high-watt expressions and their undivided attention. For they loved this little boy. He was the only bright thing in their lives, and his presence was something that they look forward to all day long. Rudy, especially, enjoyed talking music with his older brother Colin. One evening, when walking home from Giant Steps Rec Center (Colin’s after school program) Rudy asked him, “Is it really true that Kanye West is the most influential rapper of our generation?” “True?” cried Colin, a massive Kanye stan. “Of course it’s true! Everybody knows he is the GOAT.” “And is Mr. Kanye West really the cleverest fashion designer in the world?” “Bro...” said Colin, adding more bounce to his step, “Kanye is the most amazing, the most fantastic, the most extraordinary artist the culture has ever seen! I thought everybody knew that!” “I knew he was famous, Colin, and I knew he was very clever...” “Clever!” cried the adolescent. “He’s more than that! He’s a magician of both fabric and sound! He can make anything -- anything he wants!” Colin declared. “You mean to say I’ve never told you about Kanye West and his YEEZY factory?” “Never,” answered little Rudy. “Good Lord! I don’t know what’s the matter with me!” “Will you tell me now, Colin, please?” “I’ve got to! You must know!”Colin is seventeen, approximately six and a half years older than Rudy. Like all teenagers, he has an excitable admiration toward music, however, his social queues were a tad different than others his age. Throughout the day, he spoke very little to others. But in the evenings, when around Rudy, his beloved little brother, he became enthralled in conversation. “Oh what a genius he is, Mr. Kanye West!” cried Colin. “Did you know, for example, that he has produced more than 97 hit singles for artists beside himself! He’d lock himself in a room producing five beats a day!” “And he works with musicians of every type, yes?” “Perfectly true!” stated Colin. “Kanye has bridged the gap between club hits, headbangers, the soulful- introspective, AND gospel music!” “But that’s impossible!” said little Rudy, attempting to balance the plethora of genre in his head. “Of course it’s impossible!” cried Colin. “But Kanye has done it. He’s worked fashion with Saint Laurent, Adidas, and even done science with NASA!” “That’s absurd!” Rudy said.“Quite right!” Colin agreed. “But Kanye has done it.” Colin continued, speaking very slowly so that Rudy wouldn’t miss a word, “Kanye has put Justin Vernon and Chief Keef in the same room and created Can’t Hold My Liquor.. He brought in Miri Ben-Ari with Twista and made Overnight Celebrity... He can make tribal rhythms like Power, industrial and noisy tracks like On Sight. And, by a most secret method, has completed unreleased colab-albums with Young Thug, Drake, and Chance! He sits on these records and decides when they are perfect! Like a mother goose sitting on her eggs! Colin paused and clenched a fist to the air. “I would do anything to hear those albums.. even if it’s only just once!” he said. “Me too!” said little Rudy. “I want to know more!” Growing closer to the Bucket’s apartment, Colin takes Rudy near a small wooden house in between 78st and Rainbow Beach Park. “Little brother, do you know who’s house this belongs to?” Colin asked. Rudy shrugged. “This used to be Kanye’s momma’s house! It got renovated, and then Rhymefest started running the house as a nonprofit organization.. Until Kanye had to step in and buy it again.” “Who’s Rhymefest? Why did Kanye have to step in?” asked Rudy. “Listen” said Colin. “I’ll tell you”. “Who is Rhymefest?” Colin responds. “Well.. He’s from Chatham, for starters.” Rudy begins inspecting the little, renovated wooden house. “But he actually helped write one of Kanye’s very best songs.. Jesus Walks! “I’ve heard that one, Colin!” said Rudy. “Well, long story short, Rhymefest and his wife set up a non-for profit out of the house back in 2011, with Kanye as Founding Board Member.” “And did Mr. West follow?” “He did indeed. And what a place they turned it into! Kanye immediately installed faux fur on the walls to stroke for relaxation. The interior also dripped from an Apple Store. The walls, ceiling, and ground were made of metallic steel. There was even a slushy machine at the entrance next to the welcome mat! The same one from the Life of Pablo tour. “Is it still there? That sounds delightful!” Rudy asks. “Well, no... When Kanye finished designing the renovated house, he said to Rhymefest, ‘I’m putting you as creative director’, ‘I expect you to perform this job as passionate as I would.’” “Absolutely!” cried Rhymefest. “Both me and my wife will celebrate the West name throughout this neighborhood.” “But Rhymefest became silent.. All until Pusha T and Drake started beefing in 2018. Drake sent a $100,000 invoice to G.O.O.D. Music for ‘reviving Pusha’s career’.. Rhymefest hit Drake to get some of that money, and said Kanye didn’t care about the house anymore.” Little Rudy stood alongside the entrance of the DONDA house, staring at his brother. Rudy’s face was bright, his eyes were stretched so wide you could see the whites all around. “Is this really true?” he asked. “You’re not pulling my leg?” “It’s true!” cried Colin. “His wife, Kim, addressed Rhymefest with the world watching (on Twitter), and the two of them had to settle it.. Rhymefest hasn’t been here since.” “And i’ll tell you something else that’s true,” Colin continues, circulating Rudy back to the sidewalk leading home; “In these days, Kanye.... doesn’t.... trust anybody. Nobody comes in... and nobody comes out!” “In where?” Cried Rudy. “The YEEZY factory, of course!”Colin, what do you mean?” “I mean collaborators, Rudy.” “Collaborators?” “All artists,” said Colin, “work together with other artists... except Kanye! Have you heard a guest Kanye verse anytime in the past year?” Little Rudy tried to think of a guest Kanye verse that came out after ‘Mixed Personalities’ in 2019... He couldn’t. “Well? Have you?” asked Colin. “I... I really don’t know, Colin,” Rudy stammered. “Whenever I walk past the YEEZY factory, it seems pretty empty.” “Exactly!” said Colin. “But, he’s Kanye.. He’s got to be working with somebody!” “Well it’s nobody you’ve heard of.” “Then who?” cried Rudy. “I’m not sure. Ah-ha... That’s it, you see.. That’s another bit of Kanye West’s cleverness.” Rudy and Colin made it back home at this point. Colin grabbed the doorknob to open the apartment. “Colin.. Tell me more about Kanye!” “After supper...” said Colin. “I’ll tell you more after story time tonight.” Following supper, Colin went on with his stories. “You see, Rudy,” he said, “not so long ago, there used to be thousands of people working with Kanye in his factories in Calabasas and Chicago. Then one day, all of a sudden, Kanye had to ask every single one of them to leave. And to never come back”. “But why?” asked Rudy. “Because of Ghostwriters”. “Ghost-writers?” “Yes. All these other rappers, you see, had begun to grow jealous of the success Kanye was getting reciting verses, so they started to steal his ideas, and gave them to other artists. Such people became friends with Kanye, pretending that they were interested in writing with him, and while they were there, they learned the method behind Kanye’s music.” “And did they really tell other rappers?” asked Rudy. “They must have,” answered Colin, “because soon after the meltdown, the OVO sweatshop released the Drake verse on Sicko Mode where he sneak dissed Kanye. Then the Dreamchaser sweatshop came out with the Jay sneak diss on What’s Free. And the Dreamville sweatshop (always on Ye’s neck) released the track Middle Child, where Cole says Ye only cares about selling sneakers. Kanye heard all of this and shouted, ‘This is terrible! They are trying to ruin my name! I must cut communication.’” “But he didn’t do that!” Rudy said. “Oh yes he did. He told the rest of G.O.O.D. Music to report to Push if they had any questions. Then, he shut the main gates and fastened them with a chain. And suddenly, the YEEZY factory in Chicago became silent. Not a soul went in or out, and even Kanye himself disappeared completely. “Months and months went by,” Colin went on, “but still the factory remained closed. Music fans missed his content, and hype-beasts missed his sneakers. They all said, ‘he made such marvelous things. But he’s finished now. It’s all over.’” “Then something astonishing happened. One Sunday, early in the morning, the sound of a church choir singing hymns coming from the YEEZY factory awoke the city! ‘What’s going on?’ the people cried,&nbsp;‘Ye must be working again!’ They ran to the gates expecting to see them wide open and Kanye there to welcome his audience back.” “But no!” The iron coliseum gates were still locked and chained as securely as ever, and Kanye was nowhere to be seen.” “’But I hear church hymns!’” the people shouted. “Listen! You can hear them sing Christ the Lord is Risen Today”.. Colin leaned closer to Rudy, in hopes to excite him, and said softly, “But the most mysterious of all, Rudy, were the shadows in the windows of the factory. The people standing on the street outside could see shadows moving about behind the frosted glass windows.” “Shadows of whom?” said Rudy quickly. “That’s exactly what everybody else wants to know. But there was no question at all,” said Colin, “the factory was running. And it’s gone on running ever since. What’s more, the music and clothes Kanye puts out, quickly becomes a cultural reset. And NOBODY, neither OVO nor TDE nor Roc Nation is able to replicate it.” “But Colin, who,” cried Rudy, “who is Kanye working with in the YEEZY factory?” “Nobody knows, Rudy.”“But that’s absurd! Hasn’t somebody asked Kanye?” “Nobody.. Really sees him any more. He never comes out. The YEEZY line still drops on the Adidas website, and new music will come out sometimes on TiDAL.” “But Colin, what sort of people are working with him?” “My little bro,” sighed Colin, “that is one of the greatest mysteries in the culture right now. We know only two things about them. They have wonderful singing voices, and love singing church hymns. Some days people hear Every Time I Hear The Spirit, other days people hear Jesus Walks!” Just then, Ms. Bucket, the mother of the two boys, came into the room. She was home from the magnet school she worked at, and was waving an evening newspaper rather excitedly. “Have you boys heard the news?” she cried. She held up the paper so that they could see the huge headline. The headline said: KANYE’S YEEZY FACTORY TO BE OPENED AT LAST TO LUCKY FEW! “People are actually going to be allowed to go inside the YEEZY factory?” cried Colin. “Read us what it says -- QUICKLY!” “All right,” said Ms. Bucket, smoothing out the newspaper. “Listen.” Mr. Kanye West, the outspoken creative genius who nobody has heard from in the past six months, sent out the following notice today: I, Kanye West, have decided to allow five children -- JUST FIVE, mind you, and NO MORE -- to visit my YEEZY factory this year. These lucky five will be shown around personally by me, and they will be allowed to see all the secrets and magic behind YEEZY. Then, at the end of the tour, as a special present, all of them will be given enough YEEZY gear to last them for the rest of their lives! So watch out for the new, GOLD PRESSINGS of my albums! Five GOLDEN RECORDS have been hidden underneath the ordinary packaging of all my albums. These records could be anywhere in Chicago -- Reckless Records, Shuga Records, Urban Outfitters, even Target! And these five lucky finders of these five GOLDEN RECORDS,&nbsp;are the only ones who will be allowed to visit my factory and hang out with Ye. (signed Kanye West) “The man’s dotty!” muttered Grandma Georgia. “He’s brilliant!” cried Colin. “He’s a genius! Just imagine what will happen now! All of Chicago will be searching for those Golden Records! Everyone will be buying Kanye’s records in the hope of finding one! He’ll sell more than ever before! Oh, how exciting it would be to find one! And all of the YEEZY gear to last for the rest of your life -- FOR FREE!” “They’d have to deliver it in a truck!” said Grandma Georgia. “It makes me quite sick to think of it.” “Nonsense!” cried Colin. “Wouldn’t it be something, Rudy, to open an LP and see a shiny GOLDEN RECORD glistening inside!” “It certainly would, Colin. But there isn’t a hope.” Rudy said sadly. “I only get one record a year.” “You never know, darling,” said Ms. Bucket. “It’s your birthday next week. You have as much chance as anybody else.” “I’m afraid that isn’t true.. Rudy” sighed Grandma Georgia. “The kids who are going to find the Golden Records are the ones who can afford to buy vinyl every day. Our Rudy gets only one a year. There isn’t a hope.”
 The very next day, the first Golden Record was found. The finder was a boy named Daniel Connor, and Ms. Bucket’s evening newspaper carried a large picture of him on the front page. The picture showed an uninterested nine-year-old boy, completely iced out.. A thick figaro chain was dangling underneath his brand’s own t-shirt (an orange tee that said “Connor”) casually tucked in for style with jeans from KITH. (Even the iPhone in his pocket had an Off White case.) The kids in the neighborhood that Dan Connor lives in (Lincoln Park), had gone wild with excitement over their rich “friend”. “Dan gave me his Astroworld shirt one day, because he said ‘only peasants wear Astroworld merch!’” the neighborhood boy told the newspaperman. “Now that he’s meeting Kanye West, I’m hoping he will bring me a new pair of 350s!” 
 “I just knew Daniel would find a Golden Record,” his mother reported to the newspapermen. “He buys so much YEEZY products, and Cartthart, and Supreme, and Golf.. Dressing up is his hobby, you know. That’s all he’s interested in. But still, that’s better than being a menace and shooting off zip guns and things like that in his spare time, isn’t it? And what I always say is, he wouldn’t spend our money like he does, if he didn’t have such a unique style. You just can’t compare him to other boys. What a thrill it will be for him to visit Mr. Kanye West’s marvelous YEEZY factory! We’re just as proud as anything” ‘When asked which Golden Kanye record it was, Dan said, “the one with a bear on it.”’ “What a repulsive family,” said Grandma Georgia. “Only four Golden Records left,” said Ms. Bucket. “I wonder who’ll get those.” And now all of Chicago, indeed, all of Illinois state, seemed suddenly to be caught up in a mad vinyl-buying spree, everybody searching frantically for those precious remaining records. People were seen going into record shops, buying ten Kanye LP’s at a time, then tearing off the wrappers on the spot, peering eagerly underneath for a glint of golden vinyl. Children were saving their allowance and running to shops with handfuls of money. In one neighborhood, a famous gangster robbed a bank for $3,000 and spent the whole lot on Kanye records that same afternoon. When the police entered his house to arrest him, they found him sitting on the floor removing the cellophane on each record, and scattered black vinyl across the floor. In Hyde Park, a woman named Charlotte Russe claimed to have found the second record, but it turned out to be a clever bootleg. A professor at The University of Chicago, invented a machine which would tell you at once, without opening the wrapper of a record, whether or not there was a Golden Vinyl hidden underneath it. The machine had a mechanical arm that shot out with tremendous force and grabbed hold of anything that had the slightest bit of gold inside it, and for a moment, it looked like the answer to everything. But unfortunately, while the professor was showing off the machine to customers at a record store, the mechanical arm shot out and made a grab for the gold grill of an innocent bystander who was standing near by. It was an ugly&nbsp;scene, as the machine, and professor, were smashed by the crowd. Suddenly, on the day before Rudy Bucket’s birthday, the newspapers announced that the second Golden Record had been found. The lucky person was a small girl named Axilla Steel who lived with her rich, record label-executive parents in Forest Glen. Once again, Ms. Bucket’s evening newspaper carried a big picture of the finder. She was sitting between her industrious looking father and mother in their living room, waving the Golden Record above her head, grinning from ear to ear. Axilla’s father, Mr. Steel, had eagerly explained to the newspapermen exactly how the ticket was found. “You see, boys,” he had said, “my daughter is the next big pop sensation... that was always the case. But when she told me that she simply had to have one of those Golden Records, I went out into the town and started buying up every Kanye West record in sight. Thousands of them, I must have bought. Hundreds of thousands! All in stock &amp; online! Then I had them sent to my (Chicago) office at Capitol Records. I’m in the music industry, you see, I’ve got about a hundred young adults writing hits for my daughter and some of the biggest artists today. So I says to them, ‘from now on, you can stop writing hooks &amp; verses, and start unwrapping each and every LP!’ And they did. I had every worker in the place yanking the cellophane off those records full speed ahead from morning till night.” “But three days went by, and we had no luck. It was terrible. My little Axilla got more and more upset each day, and every time I went home she would scream at me, ‘Where’s my Golden Record! I want my Golden Record!’ And she would lie for hours on the floor, kicking and yelling in the most disturbing way. Well, I just hated to see my little girl feeling unhappy like that, so I vowed I would keep up the search until I’d got her what she wanted. Then suddenly ... on the evening of the fourth day, one of&nbsp;my writers yelled, “I’ve got it! A Golden Record!” And I said, “GIVE IT TO ME, QUICK!” and she did, and I rushed it home and gave it to my darling Axilla, and now she’s all smiles, and we have a happy home once again.” “She’s even worse than that gaudy boy!” said Grandma Georgia. “I don’t think the girl’s father played it quite fair, Colin, do you?” Rudy murmured. “She’s an industry plant,” Colin said grudgingly. “There’s nothing exciting about an industry plant, Rudy, mark my words.” “Come to bed, my darling,” said Rudy’s mother. “Tomorrow’s your birthday, don’t forget that, so I expect you’ll be up to open your present.” “A Kanye West LP!” cried Rudy. “It is a KANYE record, isn’t it?” “Yes, my love,” his mother said. “Of course it is.” “Oh wouldn’t it be wonderful if I found the third Golden Record inside it?” Rudy said. “Bring it in here when you get it,” Grandma Georgia said. “Then we can all watch you taking off the wrapper.”
 “Happy Birthday!” cried Grandma Georgia, as Rudy came into the bedroom early the next morning. Rudy smiled nervously and sat down on the edge of her bed. At this point, Rudy’s mother and brother have joined together in the room. Rudy anxiously held his present, his only present, very carefully in his two hands. He undid it’s wrapping paper.. an instant glimpse of gold-- WATCH THE THRONE (2011). “Watch The Throne!!” Rudy cheered. “It’s gold on the outside! Let’s see if it’s gold on the inside!” Ms. Bucket said, putting on her earrings for work. The room became silent. Everybody was waiting now for Rudy to start unravelling the record. He ran his fingers slowly back and forth along the length of it, the thin, clear wrapper made little sharp crackly noises in the quiet room. Then Grandma Georgia said gently, “You musn’t be too disappointed, my darling, if you don’t find what&nbsp;you’re looking for inside that record. You really can’t expect to be as lucky as all that.” Rudy didn’t say anything. “The thing to remember,” Ms. Bucket said, “is that whatever happens, you have an awesome new record in your collection.” “Watch The Throne!!!!” cried Colin. “It’s Ye AND Hov! You’ll just love it!” “Yes,” Rudy whispered. “I know.” They all knew it was ridiculous to expect this re- released version of “Watch The Throne” to have a magic record inside it, and they were trying as gently and as kindly as they could to prepare Rudy for the disappointment. But there was one other thing that grown-ups also knew, and it was this: that however small the chance might be of striking lucky, the chance was there. The chance had to be there. This particular LP had as much chance as any other of having a Golden Record. And that was why Rudy’s family in the room were actually just as tense and excited as Rudy was, although they were pretending to be very calm. “Hurry up and open it.. or you’ll be late for school” Ms. Bucket said. “You might as well get it over with,” Grandma Georgia said. “Open it, bro,” Colin said. “Please open it. You’re making my stomach hurt.” Very slowly, Rudy’s fingers began to tear open one small corner of the wrap, building suspense for the rest of the family. Then suddenly, as though he couldn’t bear the suspense any longer, Rudy tore the wrapper right down the middle.... he put his hand in the record sleeve... a brand new, black, 180g record came out of it. No sign of a Golden Record anywhere. “Well -- that’s that!” said Grandma Georgia bluntly. “It’s just what we expected.” Rudy looked up. Three kind faces were watching his reaction intently. He smiled at them, a small sad smile, and then he shrugged his shoulders. “Look everyone! Check out all of the pictures on this Vinyl!” Rudy’s sad, childish optimism brought an instant tear to the eye of his mother. “It’s time to go to school, my darling.” Ms Bucket said, putting an arm around Rudy’s skinny shoulders. “Come on, or you’ll be late.” That evening, Ms. Bucket’s newspaper announced the finding of not only the third Golden Record, but the fourth as well. TWO GOLDEN RECORDS FOUND TODAY -- screamed the headlines. ONLY ONE MORE LEFT. “All right,” said Colin, when the whole family was gathered around the tiny dinner table after supper, “let’s hear who found them.” “The third ticket,” read Ms. Bucket, holding the newspaper up close to her face because her eyes were bad and couldn’t afford glasses, “the third ticket was found by a Miss Madison Contour. There was great excitement in the Contour household when our reporter arrived to interview the lucky young lady -- cameras were clicking and flashbulbs were flashing and people were pushing and jostling and trying to get closer to the famous, thirteen year old girl. She was standing on a chair in the living room waving the Golden Record across&nbsp;her face like it was a shan. She was responding
 to everyone in an uninterested manner, staring at a tiny personal mirror, putting skin concealer on.&nbsp; “Kylie Cosmetics, means everything to me,” she declared, “but when I heard about the contest Kanye was doing.. Kanye being Kim’s husband.. I paused my obsession and focused spending my allowance on Kanye records in hopes of striking lucky. Now, of course, I’m back on cosmetics. I just adore it, what I’m using right now is the Balmain Palette that just went back in stock.. It’s amazing. I can’t be without it. To tell you the truth, I simply would look hideous if I didn’t have the Kylie Cosmetics or skin care that I have. My mom says I shouldn’t worry about my self appearance as much, but I don’t agree. And who’s she to criticize, anyway, because if you ask me, the AVON foundation stick she uses has a smell that makes me want to vomit.” “Now, Maddie,” Mrs. Contour said from a far corner of the room where she didn’t want to be seen. “Mom, keep your hair on!” Madison shouted. “And now,” she went on, turning to the reporters again, “what I’m about to put on my eyes is a Spearmint Kyliner Pen, only three were made in the world, my best friend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel first told me about it, she was going to buy it, until I made a greater offer to the seller. And was she mad!!! It’s my most treasured possession now, this Kyliner is. There is nobody in Chicago who has a make-up collection like me, and I’m only thirteen. I’d be&nbsp;embarrassed, but most ladies don’t have skin as good as mine. It’s just the truth. I used to give my friends makeovers, but had to stop because of their oily skin. Oh yes, I’m thrilled to be going to Kanye’s YEEZY factory. And I understand that afterwards he’s going to give me enough YEEZY gear to last me for the rest of my whole life. I’m just going to replace the gift to Kylie Cosmetics, I’m sure Kanye won’t care.” “Beastly girl,” said Grandma Georgia. “How rotten..” said Colin. “She puts on as much make-up as a clown!” “And who got the fourth Golden Record?” Rudy asked. “Now, let me see,” said Ms. Bucket, going on with her reading, ‘the fourth winner resides in Chicago’s Forrest Glen neighborhood. The name of the lucky winner, is Adam Ruscello, who seemed extremely annoyed by our presence.’ “Can’t you fools see I’m playing WARZONE?!” Adam said angrily. “Get out of here!” ‘The ten-year-old boy was seated before an enormous 4K OLED television, his eyes glued to the screen, explicit hip-hop music blasting on a Beats Pill beside him. A GoPro Max streamed his every move on/off the screen, an onscreen chatbox generating new comments every millisecond. “Shut up,” he demanded, when someone tried to ask him a question. “Don’t talk to me until the song and game is over. What Kanye was album was it? I don’t know, I don’t care. It was a lousy gift from my Uncle. I don’t listen to Kanye, I listen to POLO G.. the GOAT in Chicago! Quit playing with me! BOOM! I got a 23 kill-streak, you old-heads could NEVER!” “That’s enough!” snapped Grandma Georgia. “I can’t bear to listen to it!” “Nor me,” said Ms Bucket. “I’m happy my sons don’t behave like these brats do.” “And now there’s only one Golden Record left!” said Colin. “Quite so,” sniffed Grandma Georgia. “And just as sure as it’ll be freezing tomorrow, that vinyl will go to some nasty little beast who doesn’t deserve it!” The next day, when Rudy came home from school and went in to see his family, he found that only Colin was around. “Rudy!” greeted a cheerful Colin. Rudy walked across the apartment and stood beside him. The older brother gave Rudy a sly grin, as he brought out his small clay piggy bank, alongside a mini sledge hammer. Whack! Colin shattered it, an onslaught of loose change came pouring out. “It’s my secret savings!” he whispered. The two of them started counting the change, which resulted in about $18. “You and I are going to have one more fling at finding that last record. What do you say brother?” “Are you sure you want to spend your money on that, Colin?” Rudy asked. “Of course I’m sure!” spluttered the teenager excitedly. ‘’Don’t stand there arguing! I’m as pressed as you are to find that record! Here -- take the money, and take the CTA down to 53st &amp; Hyde Park! Buy whatever Kanye record you can, and you bring it straight back to me.. we open it together. Rudy put all of his change in a zip-loc bag and bolted quickly out of the room. Excited to be out of the house, Rudy knew he had to hurry, as time is of the essence. In 62 minutes, he was back. “Which one did you choose?” Colin cried. His eyes shining with excitement. Rudy nodded and held out the record. ‘YE’ (2018), or ‘I hate being Bi Polar, its awesome’ as it said on the cover. “Hmm..” Colin looked. “What’s up?” asked Rudy. “Nothing, the record is good.. just wondering why you chose this one?” “All of his others albums were over $18!” Rudy replied. “Ahh, it is a short record.. well, are you ready?” “Yes,” Rudy said. “I’m ready”. “All right. You tear off the first bit.” “No,” Rudy said, “you paid for it. You do it all.” Colin’s fingers were trembling most terribly as they fumbled with the cellophane. “We don’t have a hope, really,” he said nervously. “You do know we don’t have a hope, don’t you agree?” “Yes,” Rudy said, giggling. “I know that.” They looked at each other, and both started giggling nervously. “Mind you,” said Colin, “there is just that tiny chance... that it might be the one, don’t you agree?” “Yes,” Rudy said. “Of course. Why don’t you open it, Colin?” “Let me take my time.. Which end do I cut open first? I don’t want to bend up the cover.” “That corner. The one furthest from you. Just tear off a tiny bit, but not quite enough for us to see anything.” “Like that?” said the adolescent. “Yes. Now a little bit more.” “You finish it,” said Colin. “I’m too nervous.” “No, bro. You must do it yourself.” Colin sighed. He tore off the cellophane, and pulled out the sleeve. They both stared at it’s contents. It was just your usual, black vinyl --- nothing more. At once, they both saw the funny side of the whole thing, and they burst into peals of laughter. “What on earth’s going on?!” cried Grandma Georgia, waking up suddenly. “Nothing,” said Colin. “Go back to sleep.” During the next two weeks, the weather turned very cold. First came the snow. It began very suddenly one morning just as Rudy Bucket was getting dressed for school. Standing by the window, he saw the huge flakes drifting slowly down out of an icy sky that was the color of steel. By evening, it lay four feet deep around the tiny house, and Ms. Bucket had to dig a path from the front door to the road. After the snow, there came a freezing Chicago gale that blew for days and days without stopping. And oh, how bitter cold it was! Everything that Rudy touched seemed to be made of ice, and each time he stepped outside the door, the wind was like a knife on his cheek. Inside the apartment, little jets of freezing air came rushing in through the sides of the windows and under the doors, and there was no place to go to escape them. Rudy, Colin, and their mother would collectively cuddle through the night, as their thin blankets couldn’t keep the cold out of their bones. The excitement over the Golden Records had long since been forgotten. Nobody in the family gave a thought now to anything except trying to stay warm. There is something about very cold weather that brings us to completely change our wardrobe. Most of us find ourselves beginning to wear coats, and hoodies and all kinds of warm apparel; and because we are all a great deal luckier than we realize, we usually get what we want --- or near enough. But Rudy Bucket never got what he wanted because his family couldn’t afford it, and as the cold weather went on and on, his three-year old Vans shoes became intolerable. Rudy’s toes began to poke out of them, and the soles started popping out. They were garbage.. the situation became desperate. And suddenly, things got worse. The reason was Ms. Bucket’s teaching assistant job, was taken over by unpaid interns. Quickly, Ms. Bucket tried to get another job. But no luck. There was still sick/vacation checks from the school she collected, but it wasn’t enough to buy a new pair of shoes.. It was hardly enough to buy efficient food. Slowly but surely, everybody in the house began to starve. And every day, little Rudy Bucket, trudging through the snow on his way to school, would have to pass Kanye’s YEEZY factory. And every day, as he came near to it, he would hear random vocal snippets &amp; samples... Sometimes, he would stand motionless outside the gates for several minutes on end, thinking to himself, WHY did he ask for records? Why not something of greater substance? Like a better pair of shoes, or even a burger. “That child,” said Grandma Georgia, poking her head up from under the blanket one icy morning, “that child has got to have more food. It doesn’t matter about us. We’re too old to bother with. But a growing boy! He can’t go on like this! He’s beginning to look like a skeleton!” “What can one do?” murmured Ms. Bucket miserably. “He refuses to take any of ours. I saw Colin trying to slip his own piece of bread on to his plate at breakfast this morning, but he wouldn’t touch it. He made him put it back.” “He deserves better than this” said Grandma Georgia. And every day, Rudy Bucket grew thinner and thinner. His face became frighteningly pinched. On top of that, his feet were becoming cut and sore from his beaten, smelly shoes.. or whatever’s left of them. It seemed doubtful how much longer he could go on like this, without becoming dangerously ill. And now, very calmly, with that curious wisdom that seems to come so often to small children in times of hardship, he began to make little changes here and there in some of the things that he did, to improve his day. In the mornings, he left the house ten minutes earlier so that he could walk slowly to school, without ever having to run. He sat quietly in the classroom during break, resting himself, while the others rushed outdoors and threw snowballs and wrestled in the snow. Everything he did now, he did slowly and carefully, to prevent discomfort, and ridicule. Then one afternoon, walking back home with icy toes, his eye was caught suddenly by something green lying in the gutter, soaked in snow. Rudy stepped off the curb and bent down to examine it. Part of it was buried under snow, but he saw at once what it was. It was $275 USD! Quickly, he looked around him. Had somebody just dropped it? No -- that was impossible because of the way part of it was buried. Several people went hurrying past him on the pavement, their chins sunk deep in the collars of their coats, their boots crunching in the snow. None of them was searching for any money; none of them was taking the slightest notice of the small boy crouching in the gutter. Then was it his, this hidden treasure? Could he have it? Carefully, Rudy pulled it out from under the snow. It was damp and dirty, but otherwise perfect. TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS! He held it tightly between his shivering fingers, gazing down at it. It meant one thing to him at that moment, only one thing. NEW SHOES. Automatically, Rudy hopped onto the CTA and got off on 53st / Hyde Park, it was only four stops away from where he was... he stepped into a popular apparel store.. a store with trendy clothes across multiple brands, URBAN OUTFITTERS. And what he would do, he whispered quickly to himself... he would buy a pair of YEEZY Boost 350s, and toss his torn up Vans in the nearest trash can... and the rest of the money he would take straight back home and give to his mother. Rudy entered the eclectic store, and headed straight toward the men’s department. He was greeted by a young man wearing a Knocked Loose t-shirt. “Could you show me wear the YEEZY 350s are,’ Rudy said, as he felt the agonizing foot pain slowly hitting it’s end. The man looked very stylish and well groomed. He had a newly cut edge-up, and a thin chain necklace. His cover up-jacket seemingly said “SYRE” on it... Rudy assumed he might be a YEEZY fan. “What size are you bro?” asked the storekeeper. Rudy went ahead and removed his ugly shoes. “Size 8.” Acknowledging the poor shoes, the young man turned and reached behind him for a shoe box, then he turned back again and handed it to Rudy. Rudy grabbed it and quickly removed the tissue paper.. He put them on. He felt comfort on parts of his feet, that he never felt before.. Oh, the joy of wearing new shoes! The possibilities are endless. “You were ready for these, weren’t you?” the storekeeper said pleasantly. Rudy nodded. Rudy put his damaged $275 USD on the counter. “Tell you what,” the storekeeper said, “I’ll add in these athletic socks! I think you’ll like them a great deal..” Rudy expressed his appreciation to the storekeeper. He felt marvelously, extraordinarily happy. He reached out a hand to take the change. Then he paused. His eyes were above the level of the register. They were staring at the Kanye West vinyl’s available for purchase. He still had $35.64 in change. Surely, it wouldn’t matter if he spent just some more... “I think,” he said quietly, “I think... I’ll buy a Kanye West record..” “Yeah!! Which one?”“Late Registration,” Rudy decided. “That’s the best one!” the storekeeper said, scanning the barcode on it’s back. He placed it in a bag. Rudy grabbed the bag and put it aside, quickly to tear off the cellophane.... and suddenly ... from underneath the sleeve ... there came a brilliant flash of gold. Rudy’s heart stood still. “DUDE THAT’S A GOLDEN RECORD!!!” screamed the storekeeper, leaping about a foot in the air. “You’ve got a Golden Record! You’ve found the LAST Golden Record! Would you believe it! Hey, Darius, Jacob, Johnny, come look at this everybody! This young legend over here just found Ye’s last Golden Record! There it is! It’s right here in his hands!” It seemed as though the shopkeeper was going to explode in joy. “On my register too!” he yelled. “He cashed out RIGHT HERE.” He pulled out his iPhone to grab a photo. The storekeeper took an awkward selfie with the shocked Rudy. “Yo somebody call TMZ! The Breakfast Club! Angie Martinez! DJ Akademiks!! We need to let them know! Watch out, my bro, keep that thing HIDDEN, it is precious!” In a few seconds, there was a crowd of about twenty people clustering around Rudy, and many more were pushing their way in. Everybody wanted to get a look at the Golden Record and it’s lucky finder. “Where is it?” somebody shouted. “Hold it up so all of us can see it!” “There it is, there!” someone else shouted. “He’s holding it in his hands! See the gold shining!” “Which album was it? I’d like to know?” a large boy shouted angrily. “I rebought all of his records three times!” “Think of all the free YEEZY stuff he’ll be getting too!” another boy said enviously. “A lifetime supply!” “He’s going to be closer to the Kardashian family more than any of us will ever be!” a girl said, laughing. Rudy hadn’t moved. He hadn’t even unwrapped the Golden Record from it’s sleeve. He was standing very still, holding it tightly with both hands while the crowd pushed and shouted all around him. He felt quite dizzy. There was a peculiar floating sensation coming over him, as though he were floating up in the air like a balloon. His feet didn’t seem to be touching the ground at all. He could hear his heart thumping away loudly somewhere in his throat. At that point, he became aware of a hand resting lightly on his shoulder, and when he looked up, he saw a tall man standing over him. “Listen,” the man whispered. “I’ll buy it from you. I’ll give you $5,000. How about it, eh? And I’ll buy your family a new car as well. Okay?” “Are you crazy?” shouted a woman who was standing equally close. “Why, I’d give him $20,000 for that record! You want to sell that record for $20,000, young man?” “Shut up everyone!” the enthusiastic storekeeper shouted, pushing his way through the crowd and taking Rudy firmly by the arm. “Leave the kid alone, will you! Make way there! Let him out!” And to Rudy, as he led him to the door, he whispered, “Don’t you let anybody have it!” Take it straight home, quickly, before you lose it! Run all the way with your new YEEZY’s and don’t stop till you get there, you understand?” Rudy nodded. “You know dude,” the storekeeper said, pausing a moment and smiling at Rudy, “I have a feeling you&nbsp;needed a break like this. I’m really happy that you get to have this. Good luck to you, man.” “Thank you,” Rudy said, and off he went, running through the snow as fast as his legs would go. And as he flew past the YEEZY factory, he turned and waved at it and sang out, “I’ll be seeing you! I’ll be seeing you soon!” And five minutes later he arrived at his own home. Rudy burst through the front door, shouting, “Mom! MoM! MOM!” Ms. Bucket was bedside with Grandma Georgia, serving her evening soup. “Mother!” yelled Rudy, rushing in on them like a hurricane. “Look! I’ve got it! Look, Mother, look! The last Golden Record! It’s mine! I found some money on the street and I bought some new shoes, and then a new LP which had the Golden Record and there were crowds of people all around me wanting to see it and the guy on register rescued me and I ran all the way home and here I am! IT’S THE FIFTH GOLDEN RECORD, MOTHER, AND I’VE FOUND IT!” Ms. Bucket simply stood and stared, while Grandma Georgia and Colin, who were eating their supper, all dropped their utensils with a clatter and froze. For about ten seconds there was absolute silence in the room. Nobody dared to speak or move. It was a magic moment. Then, very softly, Colin said, “Is this some kind of joke, Rudy?” “Come on, man!” cried Rudy, rushing up to him and holding out the copy of Late Registration (2005) for him to see. Colin leaned forward and took a close look, his nose almost touching the record. The others watched him, waiting for the verdict. Then very slowly, with a slow and marvelous grin swelling all over his face, Colin lifted his head and looked straight at Rudy. His eyes were wide open, shining with joy, and in the centre of each eye, right in the very centre, in the black pupil, a little spark of wild excitement was slowly dancing. Then the young man took a deep breath, and suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, an explosion seemed to take place inside him. He threw up his arms and yelled “Yaaahhhooooo!” And at the same time, his lanky, tall figure, pummeled the dinner table, and his bowl of soup went flying into the face of Ms. Bucket, as the seventeen year old boy started doing a dance of victory. “Hey!!!” Ms Bucket said, her dress ruined. “Hooray!!” he shouted. “Three cheers for Rudy! Hip, hip, hooray!” “I don’t believe it!” Grandma Georgia said. “It’s not possible.” “Show her the record, Rudy!” shouted Colin, who was still dancing around the floor. “Show your Grandmother the fifth and last Golden Record in the world!” “Let me see it, Rudy,” Grandma Georgia said, collapsing into a chair and holding out her hand. Rudy came forward with the record. It was a very beautiful thing, this Golden Record, having been made, so it seemed, from a sheet of pure gold pressed into a heavy vinyl. In the sleeve, was a document, printed in jet-black letters; the invitation itself --- from Mr. Kanye West. “Read it aloud,” said Colin, sitting on the chair in the dining room once again. “Let’s all hear exactly what it says.” Rudy held the lovely document up close to his eyes. His hands were trembling slightly, and he seemed to be overcome by the whole business. He took several deep breaths. Then he cleared his throat, and said, “All right, I’ll read it. Here we go:” ‘Hello free-thinker! This is Ye talking. I shake you warmly by the hand! Tremendous things are in store for you! And many wonderful surprises await you! You are about to see where the inner genius of where YEEZY comes from-- in my factory. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day -- you and all others who were lucky enough to find my Golden Records. I, Kanye, will conduct you around the factory myself, showing you everything that there is to see, and afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be loaded with enough YEEZY products to last you and your family’s wardrobe for many years -- that’s right! Ye will be like Oprah! You know what that means- YOU get a fur, YOU get a fur, YOU get a jet, YOU get a jet!! But by no means is this the most exciting thing that will happen on the day of your visit. Me and my family are preparing other surprises that are even more marvelous ad more fantastic for you and all of my beloved Golden Record holders -- Mystic and marvelous surprises that will entrance, delight, intrigue, astonish, and perplex you beyond measure. In your wildest dreams you could not imagine that such things could happen to you! Just wait and see! My life is fly and I do the flyest things! And now, here are your instructions: the day I have chosen for the visit is the tenth day in the month of February. On this day, and on no other, you must come to the YEEZY gates at ten o’clock sharp in the morning. Don’t be late! And you are allowed to bring with you one or two members of your own family to look after you and to ensure that you don’t get into trouble. One more thing, bring this with you, or you’re not coming in. (Signed) Kanye West.’ “The tenth day of February!” cried Ms. Bucket. “But that’s tomorrow! “You’re just in time!” shouted Colin. “There’s not a moment to lose. You must start making preparations at once! You gotta wash your face, blow your nose, cut your nails, polish those new YEEZYs, iron your shirt, and brush your teeth! You need to get ready bro!! You must get ready for the biggest day of your life!” “Now don’t over-excite yourself, Colin,” his mother said. “And don’t fluster poor Rudy. We must all try to keep very calm. Now the first thing to decide is this -- who is going to go with Rudy to the factory.. I start my new job tomorrow.. Colin.. would you want to go?” “Me?” Colin heard that question and paused. While his admiration for Kanye West was apparent, being the center of attention, and around so many people at once, was something that haunted him each and every day. He took great lengths to ignore social interaction. “No ... I’m not so sure that I should,” Colin said. “What about Grandma Georgia?” “Are you crazy,” Grandma Georgia snapped, “I am not trying to go to that nutty factory!” Colin seemed conflicted. “I’d love to.. go.. It’d be really dope.. but on the other hand..” the thought of it all began disorienting him. “My love, you must,” Ms. Bucket said. “You deserve to go most of all, Colin.. You seem to know more about Kanye than any of us do.. That is, of course, that you feel well enough...” Rudy said quietly. “I’ll go.” Colin answered, seizing Rudy by the hands and joyfully dancing around the room. “Hallelujah!” yelled Ms. Bucket. “Praise the Lord!” At that point, there came a loud knock on the front door. Ms. Bucket went to open it, and the next moment, swarms of the media were pouring into the house. Colin frantically ran underneath his Grandmother’s bed. The media had tracked down the finder of the fifth Golden Record, and now they all wanted to get the full story for the front pages of the morning papers. For several hours, there was complete pandemonium around the little house, and it wasn’t until midnight before Ms. Bucket was able to get rid of them so that Rudy could go to bed. The sun was shining brightly on the morning of the big day, but as usual, Chicago weather has a mind of it’s own; the ground was still white with snow and the air was very cold. Outside the gates of the YEEZY factory, enormous crowds of people had gathered to watch the five lucky winners go in. The excitement was tremendous. It was just before ten o’ clock. The crowds were pushing and shouting, many of them blaring popular music and people dancing. Right beside the gates, in a small group that was carefully shielded from the crowds, stood the five famous children, together with grown-ups who had come with them. The tall and lanky figure of Colin could be seen standing quietly among them, and beside him, his little brother Rudy Bucket! All the children, except Rudy, had a mother or father with them, and it was a good thing that they had, otherwise the whole party might have got out of hand. They were so eager to get going that their parents were having to hold them back by force to prevent them from climbing over the gates. “Be patient!” cried the parents. “It’s not ten o’clock yet!” Behind him, Rudy Bucket could hear the shouts of the people in the crowd as they pushed and fought to get a glimpse of the famous children. “There’s Maddie Contour!” he heard someone shouting. “That is her! I’ve seen all of her vlogs!” “Maddie Contour’s father Jackson Contour tried to sue my family for Defamation,” another random voice uttered. “Who’s that hypebeast kid supposed to be?” “That’s Dan Connor!”“So it is!”“Iced out, right? “Who’s that scrawny kid to the left? I recognize him from somewhere...” “He’s Adam Ruscello!” “Yeah, thats right.. I’ve seen his stream before. That kid is spoiled, rotten.”“The one I want to see is Axilla Steel!” shouted another voice in the crowd. “I listened to her SoundCloud on the way here, and I think she might be the next big thing!” Countering the statement, “I hear Axilla Steel is brought up by two record label executive parents trying to tie her into a hit. They give her anything she wants! Absolutely anything! She will start screaming until she gets it.” “Dreadful, isn’t it?” “Shocking, I call it!” “Which do you think is her?” “She’s obviously the one wearing entirely Balenciaga.” “Which one is Rudy Bucket?” “Rudy Bucket? He must be that skinny little shrimp standing beside that tall teenager that looks like his older brother. Very close to us. Just there! See him?” “Why does neither of them have a coat on in this cold weather?” “Don’t ask me. Maybe they can’t afford to buy one.” “My goodness.. He must be freezing!” Rudy, standing only a few paces away from the speaker, gave Colin a chest bump, which brought a nervously optimistic smile from Colin. Somewhere in the distance, a church clock began striking ten. Very slowly, in an ominously quiet opening, the coliseum gates of the factory began to swing open. The crowd became silent. Everybody stopped dancing around. All eyes were fixed upon the gates. “There he is!” somebody shouted, “That’s him!” And so it was! Kanye stood alone inside the open gates of the factory. Only his shadow visible. He clearly wanted to make this moment as theatrical as possible. He then revealed himself, he was wearing an oversized, blank, sand-colored T-shirt, accompanied by equally baggy sweat pants; both colors blending. In one hand he carried a fine gold-topped walking cane, which he did not need. His usual, neat, pointed black beard -- a goatee, covered his chin. And his eyes, carried the unpredictable nature that he inhabited. One second they’re sparkling, another second they’re manic. All in all, he was alight with fun and laughter. And oh, what a production it was! You could tell that Kanye takes great pride in his entrances. Suddenly, the sound of violins began playing on the scene -- to the tune of “Robocop” from 808s and Heartbreak.. As the violinists made themselves more and more present, Kanye started skipping and dancing his way down to the front of the factory, his moves were goofy but authentic. Once the chorus of “Robocop” started, red flares &amp; sparking fireworks started forming beside him. The audience was cheering him on. Kanye started singing the lyrics to his song: “Okay, Okay, Okay, Okay, You will never stop it now, stop it now, Okay, Okay, Okay---” Kanye’s voice started going in and out. There was a noticeable technical difficulty. The violinists kept playing the tune. “Stop it! STOP IT,” Kanye demanded, but the violinists kept going, as they assumed he was still trying to sing the lyrics to the song. Kanye took out his ear piece and slammed it to the snow-- the sound of it breaking caused a loud static on the speakers. Everybody became quiet, and Kanye looked furious. Suddenly, the serious look on his face turned into a grin, as he did a funny little skipping dance in the snow, and spread his arms wide, he smiled at the five children who were clustered near the gates, his golden bottom row of teeth shining, “Welcome, my friends! Welcome to the YEEZY factory!” His voice was much nerdier than expected. “Will you come forward one at a time, please,” he called out “and bring whoever you’re with... Who’s first?” The wealthy, little Off-White wearing boy Dan Connor stepped up. “I’m Daniel Connor,” he said. “Dan Connor!” cried Kanye, seizing his hand and shaking it quickly up and down with terrific force. “I buy everything YEEZY,” the rich boy said. “You know, I told Virgil to use 100% prima cotton.. but.. from the look of your shirt.. it looks like a cotton/polyester blend...” Kanye criticized. Dan, realizing he might be wearing a fake shirt, muttered, “this.. uhh.. I..” but Kanye already moved onto the next kid. “My name,” said the following child, “is Axilla Steel.. but I’m sure you’ve already heard of me,” Axilla said confidently. “Ah Axilla! How do you do? No, I’ve never heard of you. But you have an interesting name, don’t you? I always thought ‘axilla’ was the medical name for an armpit! But I must be wrong, musn’t I? I’m very happy you made it! This is going to be a very awesome day! I know you will enjoy it! Mr. Steel greeted himself to Kanye. “I’m Jackson Steel, father of Axilla, and president of Capital Records in Los Angeles.. it’s a pleasure to meet you!” The concept of record labels made Kanye laugh in the man’s face. “My man, you know I don’t like being put in any box!” Mr. Steel continued to laugh with him. The two of them shared a laugh, then Kanye instantly changed his expression, “then why you like putting other people in a box?” Mr. Steel froze.. “well, Mr. West, it’s not like that..” “I’m sure it’s not,” Kanye interrupted. And he moved onto the next few children. Both Madison Contour and Adam Ruscello showed their proof of invitation, and moved forward. Their interest for Kanye being the lowest of the group. And last of all, a small nervous voice whispered, “Rudy Bucket.” “Rudy!” cried Kanye. “So there you are! You’re the one who found your ticket only yesterday, right?” “Right, sir!” Rudy answered. “Don’t call me sir, call me Ye! Or Yeezy! Or Kanye! And this? Your big bro? Nice to meet you bro! Delighted to meet you! Overjoyed! Enchanted! Enraptured!” Kanye became antsy, and ready to move on. “All right! Excellent! Is everybody in now? Five kids? Yes! Good! Now will you please follow me! We must begin this tour expeditiously! But do keep together! Don’t wander off by yourselves! I don’t WANT to lose any of you at this stage of the proceedings.” Rudy glanced back over his shoulder and saw the great coliseum gates slowly closing behind him. The crowds on the outside were cheering them on, still moshing and shouting. Rudy took a last look at them. Then, all sight of the outside world disappeared. “Here we are!” cried Kanye, trotting along in front of the group. “Through this big red door, please! That’s right! It’s nice and warm inside! I like to keep it warm in here, because my friends are used to a rather hot climate! They can’t stand the cold.” “Who are these friends?” asked Dan Connor. “Did you say something?” asked Kanye, purposely ignoring his question. “You guys be patient... You’ll see everything as we go along! Are all of you inside? Good! Would you mind closing the door? Thank you!” Rudy Bucket found himself standing in a long hallway, that stretched away in front of him as far as he could see. The walls were a bright silver, the lighting was bright. The hallway was so wide that a car could easily have driven along it; in fact, a deconstructed TESLA was on display. “That right there, was a gift from Elon-- a very close companion of mine, very lovely and warm!” Kanye said. Both Rudy and Colin admired their surroundings. “This is so cool!!!” Rudy whispered to his brother. Colin nervously nodded. And far away in the distance, from the heart of the great factory, came a muffled roar of energy as though some monstrous gigantic machine were spinning its wheels at breakneck speed. “Okay so listen up..” said Kanye, raising his voice above the noise, “this is where things get real.. drop your coats on the ground, and follow me.” Everybody drops their coats on the ground. “Alright, everyone ready? Come on, then! Let’s go!” Kanye sped walk rapidly down the hallway, the sound of his YEEZY Desert Boots squeaking behind him, and the visitors all hurried after him. It was quite a large party of people, when you came to think of it. There were four adults, five children, and one teenager, so ten in all. So you can imagine that there was a good deal of passive-aggressive shoving when trying to keep up with the swift figure in front of them. “Speed up!” laughed Kanye. “Let’s get a move on! At this pace we won’t see half of what I got to show you today!” Soon he turned right off the main hallway, and into another slightly narrower passage. Then he turned left. Then left again. Then right.Then left. Then right. Then right. Then left. The place was like a gigantic school, full of hallways leading this way and that in every direction. “Notice how all these passages are sloping downwards!” called out Kanye West. “We are now going underground! All the work Ye does, is always deep down below the surface!” “Why is that?” somebody asked. “There wouldn’t be nearly enough space for them up on top!” answered Kanye. “When I first began searching for a spot to start the YEEZY campus, I knew I needed a spot with lots of acres. So I got a ranch in Wyoming.. but I needed more! My rooms are HUGE! Bigger than football fields! Nowhere in the world can hold them! But down here, underneath the ground, I got all the space I want! There’s no limit --- also, nobody steals my ideas when I’m underground” Kanye turned right. He turned left.He turned right again. The hallways were sloping steeper and steeper downhill now. Then suddenly, Kanye stopped. In front of him, there was a shiny metal door. The party crowded round. On the door, in large letters, it said: THE FABRIC ROOM. “This room is very important,” cried Kanye, taking out a keycard of some sort, and slipping it into the slot of the door. “This is where the magic of the whole factory happens, the heart of the whole business! And so beautiful! I insist on everything to look beautiful. I can’t abide ugliness in factories! That’s why I built it myself!” Kanye opened the door. Five children and five adults and one teenager pushed their way in -- and oh, what an amazing sight it was that met their eyes! “THIS is where YEEZY comes to life.” Kanye yelled. They were looking upon a valley of fabrics--- rubber, polyester, cotton, plastic, nylon, and more, all stylized to look like a beautiful landscape. Plastic trees, rubber sidewalks, a ground of soft, high quality cotton, and a waterfall producing every color on a rainbow. There was no ceiling-- at least, Kanye designed a ceiling to display a tremendous, black, depth of field. Kanye directed the gang to look above them: “We all know YEEZY is sold by Adidas, but I wanted my product to come from SPACE! What you’re looking at, is the very first man-made area of space on earth.. there is no gravity up there.” Rudy took a glimpse under the colorful waterfall, a mass of enormous glass pipes were connected from the river, and into several rooms. While the waterfall produced six different colors (ROYGBV), each glass pipe carried a different, bright color, that looked like thick paint. The gang was surrounded by graceful, see-through trees that looked as if they were made from glue -- weeping willows, chapel and baobab trees, all with unpredictable branches and dense, heavy plastic. “I heard that song Fake Plastic Trees, by my friend Thom’s band... and I thought ‘wow bro.. that song was so pretty’, so I went ahead and made REAL plastic trees. We created a new element, that I can regrow as I please, to put on every pair of YEEZY shoes.” “And over here,” cried Kanye, enthusiastically pointing his gold-topped cane at the rainbow waterfall, “is where we generate colors for YEEZY products!” The children and their parents were too flabbergasted to speak. They were staggered. They were dumbfounded. They were bewildered and&nbsp;dazzled. They were completely blown away by the scope of the entire thing. They simply stood and stared. “Isn’t it all so beautiful? I told you I hated ugliness!” Kanye stated, as he pointed to Rudy Bucket’s brand new YEEZY’s. “You mind if I use these real quick?” he asked Rudy. Kanye held up Rudy’s size 8 350 Boosts.. “everything you see from this factory goes into these sneakers!” he handed them back to Rudy. “No other factory in the world makes products from original elements! Check out the cotton ground! Try bouncing on it, it’s like walking in a bounce house!” Automatically, everybody began jumping up and down on the bouncy cotton --- everybody, that is, except Dan Connor, who ripped a handful and shoved it in his pocket. And Madison Contour, who used a piece of cotton as a foundation brush. “Omg!” she said, as the cotton proved to be a useful makeup tool. “This is unbelievable!” whispered Rudy to his older brother. “This is the work of a genius!! It’s very.. overwhelming,” said Colin, at a loss for words. Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of gospel music.. “Our God.. is an awesome God he reigns... from heaven above with wisdom, power, and love, our God is an awesome God!” (repeated 4x) A group of around thirty men &amp; women were seen singing together, their voices sounding powerful and wide-ranging as they repeated the verse. Each singer was wearing the YEEZY Season 3 line from 2016; minimal, blush colored outfits. “Who are those people?” asked Rudy. “I don’t know.. they look like a choir!” Colin said. Then everybody started talking on top of each other. “There’s like forty of them!” “Where do these people come from?” “Who are they?” Children and parents alike rushed to the edge of the river to get a closer look. “They’re fantastic!”“They have voices like none other!” Then Kanye finally answered, “this is my Sunday Service! These are all free thinkers and my friends!” “the Sunday Service?” one of the children questioned. “Yes. These are the only people I work with now. We all work together, think together, and love singing good gospel music!” “Where did you meet this choir?” Axilla’s record executive dad asked. “I met my friends when I was in the Sunken Place,” Kanye answered. “Are you talking about the movie “Get Out?” “I don’t really like talking about the Sunken Place.. and no, not the one from Get Out. Mine was just a long state of depression.. I wasn’t myself.. Meeting the Sunday Service has allowed me to escape the media giving me negative energy, because none of the media like Gospel music.. They all want to hear about Ye wildin’ out.. you know, I was dealing with&nbsp;hornswogglers and snozzwangers, and whangdoogles!” Kanye kept going on about his realization, while Axilla tugged on her father’s suit. “Daddy!” shouted Axilla (the girl who got everything she wanted) I want somebody from Sunday Service on my next album! Their voices sound beautiful, almost as pretty as mine! Go on, Daddy! I want one of them on my new album right away!” “All right, Axilla, all right. But they can’t record for you this second. Please be patient. I’m sure Kanye can give us a verse before the day is out.” “Oh, they don’t do secular verses,” Kanye countered, only then noticing where Dan Connor was headed.. “Excuse me, hey bro! Please be patient with the rest!” “Since our friend Daniel has already taken one step ahead of us, come inside everybody! Come take a peak!” Kanye said. The gang skipped away from the rainbow waterfall, and into another cavernous room, and here again a really splendid sight met their eyes. In the centre of the room there was a mountain-- the exact mountain from the YEEZUS tour in 2016. It was a colossal, jagged mountain, and it’s “snow” was the same man-made plastic as the trees in the previous room, only this time it was oozing like Elmer’s Glue. All the way up the sides of the mountain, hundreds of the Sunday Service were working away with picks and drills, hacking great hunks of hardened plastic out of the mountain side; and some of them, those that were high up in dangerous places, were roped together for safety. As the huge hunks of plastic were pried loose, they went tumbling and bouncing down the mountain, and when they reached the bottom they were picked up by automated cranes with grab-buckets, and the cranes dumped the plastic into an endless line of automated wagons -- which carried the stuff away to the far end of the room and then through a hole in the wall. “This is the most initial form of YEEZY plastic, those wagons were designed by Elon! They are powered with the sophisticated Tesla mainframe,” Kanye said grandly. “Can we climb to the top?” the children shouted, jumping up and down. “If you’re careful,” Kanye said. “Go up on that side over there where nobody is working -- and do NOT touch the plastic like they are -- they’re wearing protective gear that YOU don’t have.” So the children went ahead and had a wonderful time clambering up to the top of the YEEZUS mountain, and clambering down again, and all the way there and back, Dan Connor couldn’t help but to pick up lumps of it to rebelliously put in his pocket. “Why are you doing that?” Rudy asked. “Dude, Kanye just doesn’t want anyone to take his stuff.. This stuff isn’t toxic. It’s not going to make your skin burn.” Dan whispered. “Man, I don’t know..” “C’mon.. what was your name again? “Rudy Bucket!” “Right.. Whatever, I’m going to have a ride on one of Elon’s wagons,” the bumptious Dan Connor stated. Rudy ignored him and walked away. Dan Connor made his way across the room, onto one of the wagons loaded with puddy-like YEEZY plastic. “Hey!!” Kanye yelled, “please don’t do that! Those things are dangerous! You might get run over.” “Be careful, Daniel!” Ms. Connor cried, “the man here says it’s dangerous!” “RATS OFF!” exclaimed Dan Connor, “RATS OFF TO YOU! And to you too! Crazy old Kanye!” Daniel, not taking the slightest recommendation of his mother, jumped onto one of the wagons as it went by, climbed up and sat right on top of it’s load of sticky, gummy plastic-- Dan noticing the adhesive immediately. “Woo!! First stop L.A!” shouted Dan Connor. “He’s quite wrong about that,” Kanye West said quietly, “the first stop is most certainly not L.A.” “Daniel!!” shouted his mother, as the wagon went shooting across the room. “Come off there at once! There’s no knowing where that thing’s headed for!” Dan Connor makes an attempt to jump off -- but the taffy-like plastic nearly rips his skin. The sudden pain makes Dan realize his peril, “Help! Help! Help! he yelled, “I’m STUCK!” And sure enough, the Tesla-wagon speeds into a hole in the wall, like a torpedo, with Dan Connor attached onto it. “... that... my goodness! It’s.. gone through a hole in the wall!” Ms. Connor said with shock. “Don’t say I didn’t warn him,” Kanye declared. “Your kid must not practice obedience, does he?” “But WHERE has it gone?” his mother cried. “What’s through that hole?” “That hole,” said Kanye West, “leads directly to my space!” “Myspace?!” “My SPACE! Like MY outer space that I created! We take all of the materials for YEEZY products, and put them in Outer Space. The lack of gravity does something special to my shoes that will make them feel lighter than any other footwear!” “But... you can’t breathe in space?” said Ms. Connor. “Of course not!! There’s no oxygen!” said Kanye. “Help!! Murder! Police!” screamed Ms. Connor, “is this some kind of joke to you?! Having my child be made into your shoes?!” “That’s beyond a joke!” said Kanye, “those shoes would look be terrible, was I the only one noticing his tacky, fake Off-White?” “How dare you!!!” Ms Connor exclaimed. “Now, now,” murmured Kanye West soothingly. “Now, now, now. Calm down, please.” Kanye turned around and clicked his fingers sharply, click, click, click, three times. Immediately, a member of the Sunday Service appeared, as if from nowhere, and stood beside him. “Alright so, boom, her kid got stuck behind one of the Tesla-wagons.... if all goes right, there’s no way he’ll make it past our space filter.. he’s wearing all fake Off-White, the filter will definitely reject him. So go ahead and check the fabric strainer,” Kanye reported. The Sunday Service member nodded. “He’ll be perfectly safe, Ms. Connor, the filter has always caught faulty fabric. At least it always has up to now. Forgive me. I’m so sorry. Good-bye Ms. Connor! Good-bye! I’ll see you later .....” As Ms. Connor got escorted away, many of the Sunday Service came together in a choir. “Colin!” cried Rudy. “Listen to them, Colin! What are they doing?” “I don’t know!” whispered Colin. “I think they’re about to sing!” ‘DAN CONNOR, DAN CONNOR,The spoiled, rotten Daniel CONNOR,How long could we allow this brat-To pop tags as he please!With nothing ever real to say-Other than how he’s dressed todayFrom Polo to Louis to Fallraven backpacks-To Moncler jackets and Supreme snapbacks,We’re positive he’d do it for the gram,Before he’d do anything for you--He has to go! It has to be!And very soon, we’re going to seeThat perhaps Dan might be better off in outer space! And while another hypebeast will take Dan’s place, At least we’ll never have to see his face! “I’m telling you! Nobody comes close to what the Sunday Service can do!!” cried a dancing Kanye West. “Aren’t they something? But don’t believe that bit about him going to space. Like me, we both make things up in our music-- all artists do.” “Are they really joking, Colin?” asked Rudy. “If Kanye says so...” answer
ed Colin. “At least, I hope they’re joking. Don’t you?” “Off we go!” cried Kanye. “Hurry up, everybody! Follow me to the next room! And please don’t worry about Dan Connor. He’s bound to make it through the wire. See what I did there!” Kanye laughed at his own joke. “We’ll be making the next part of our journey on Ye’s HOVERCRAFT! Look!” The group entered a room that looked like the boarding station for a ride at Disney World. Adam Ruscello muttered, “where are we? Disney World?” “I like to compare myself to Walt Disney.. But I’m also like Michaelangelo,” Kanye boldly claimed. A steamy mist started rising in the room.. Suddenly, a hovercraft appeared before them; it looked like the circular rafts found on water rides in theme parks, but floating midair. It’s color was a shining, sparkling, glistening pink, the whole thing looked as though it were made of bright, pink glass. There were many buttons on each side of it, with lights shining on each of them. The hovercraft was big enough to seat everybody at once. “I got this hovercraft--”“From Elon?” asked Madison Contour. “... no, from Mark Zuckerberg,” Kanye corrected. “In fact, all of what you’re about to see, was made possible by Mark Zuckerberg.” A member of the Sunday Service operated the hovercraft, clicking away at all of the illuminated buttons. Then suddenly, for some reason best known to themself, started to burst into shrieks of laughter. “What’s so funny?” asked one of the kids. “Oh they’re always laughing!” cried Kanye. “They manifest joy, so they are always laughing and showing love to others! Jump on the hovercraft everyone! Come on! Hurry up!” As soon as everyone was safely in, the Sunday Service member operated the craft to move forward. “Hey, there -- Adam Ruscello!” shouted Kanye West. “Please keep your hands and feet inside the hovercraft at all times! Look what happened to our friend Ben Connor who couldn’t keep his hands off things.” “Daddy,” said Axilla Steel, “I want a hovercraft! I want you to buy me a big pink hovercraft just like this! And I want our driver to fly me about, and I want a rainbow waterfall and I want.... I want....” “That girl keeps going on and on..” whispered Colin to Rudy. The tall, lanky adolescent was sitting beside little Rudy Bucket. Rudy hooked his arm tightly to his older brother’s. Both were in a whirl of excitement. Everything they’ve seen so far -- the rainbow waterfall, the outer space, the YEEZUS tour mountain, the Sunday Service, and most of all, Mr. Kanye West himself-- had been so astonishing that he began to wonder whether there could be any more surprises left. Where were they going now? What were they going to see? And what in the world was going to happen in the next room? “This is marvelous!” said Colin, gleefully smiling at his younger brother. Rudy nodded as the craft was exceeding in speed. Suddenly, Kanye, who was sitting on Rudy’s other side, got Rudy’s attention. “Hey bro,” muttered Kanye, “go ahead and give one of these buttons a try!” Rudy touched a big green button-- causing the hovercraft to corkscrew around the room-- “wooaahh!” shouted everybody. “Pretty cool, right?” Kanye asked Rudy.“This has been the most thrilling day of my life!” “Yeah well- Zuckerberg really came through on this one..” The hovercraft took a sharp left, and sped onto another narrow hallway. What was once a pretty, siren-red hallway, now turned into a dark tunnel-- a great round tunnel that looked like an enormous pipe -- and the hovercraft was exceeding speeds of over 80mph. “FULL SPEED AHEAD!” Kanye yelled, waving his hands in the air. “Where are we going?!” shrieked Madison Contour in the darkness. “There’s no knowing where they’re going!” cried Kanye, in a seemingly sinister manner. Ugly, horrific images started projecting in the dark tunnel.. a descriptive image of teeth from a venomous snake, another of a man trapped in a small, coffin-like box. Suddenly, amidst the chaos, Kanye started quietly singing. “There’s no earthly way of knowing.... Which direction Ye is going... There’s no knowing where Ye’s rowing... Or which way the river’s flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?” “Not a speck of light is showing.. so the danger must be growing! Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing! And they’re certainly not SHOWING!! Any signs that they are SLOWING!!!!” “He’s gone off his rocker!” shouted one of the parents, aghast, and the other parents began screaming of terror. “He’s crazy!” they shouted. “He’s dotty!”“He’s goofy!”“He’s wacky!” “He’s loony!”“NO, he’s not!” shouted Colin, defensively. “SWITCH ON THE LIGHTS!” shouted Kanye. And suddenly, on came the lights to reveal there was no tunnel-- but seven giant screens surrounding them. The hovercraft was still floating in midair, but remained stationary. “What on earth was THAT all about?!” one of the parents asked. “THAT was the seven screen experience!” Kanye proudly proclaimed. “I think I’m going to be sick..” a parent announced. Like a magician, Kanye suddenly appeared with an extra bag to give the parent. “I wrote YEEZUS riding that ride! But don’t be alarmed-- it’s a colossal viewing experience! And it’s the future! Just ONE screen isn’t enough.. multiple screens will get everybody back into the movie theaters again!” The group safely stepped off the massive hovercraft, as Kanye went on about his ‘seven-screen experience’. “I remember when I saw Pacific Rim back in 2013... That was one of the best movies I ever SEEN. So when I finally got the Mark Zuckerberg bag, me and my friend Alexandre made my Cruel Summer movie... and I got to keep the screens.” The dizzy group started walking onto the next hallway, one of several multi-colored doors, each with different descriptions. As they flashed past them, gamer Adam Ruscello noticed the writing on a green door: ONLY ONE: THE VIDEO GAME. “A video game? I’d like to see!” Adam demanded. “It’s not ready bro, chill out..” Kanye responded. They pass another room titled: HOODIE ROOM “Why is there a room only for hoodies?” one of the children asked. “Because hoodies are the most important piece of apparel”, Kanye answered. Then, suddenly, the group approached two golden double doors, Kanye got in front of them, “Stop here!” The group got a better look of the title on the gold doors: INVENTING ROOM - PRIVATE - KEEP OUT. Kanye took out a key card from his pocket, and slid it to unlock the door. “This is the most important room on the entire YEEZY campus,” he said. “All my secret new inventions, and unreleased music, are cooking and simmering in here! Curtis Jackson would give his front teeth to be allowed inside just for three minutes! So would Tyler and Rocky and all those other creatives! But now, LISTEN to Ye... When you walk in, I want no messing around! No touching, no meddling, and no listening to my unreleased music! Is that agreed?” “Yes, yes!” the children cried. “We won’t touch a thing!” “Up to now,” Kanye said, “the only other people who are allowed in here is my wife Kim, Kylie, and my bro Scott Mescudi.” Madison Contour’s eyes glistened when she heard her beloved Kylie Jenner’s name. “Don’t touch!” shouted Kanye. “Don’t knock anything over!” Rudy Bucket stared around the gigantic room in which he now found himself. The place looked like The Batcave. Many gadgets and pieces of clothing were laying about, the sounds of computer fans humming, and other titanium machines were clanking and spluttering, and there were poles running all over the ceiling and the walls, the place had the terrific scent of the inside of a new shoe. Kanye West himself had suddenly become even more excited than usual, and anyone could see that this was the room he loved most of all. He was hopping about among the fashionable pieces of clothing and gadgets like a child and their Christmas presents, not knowing which thing to look at first. He grabbed a pair pants and announced to the group, “these are the leather jogging pants I helped create with Fendi! These will be the future of sweatpants one day..” Kanye then ran over to another machine, with a pair of shoes in the middle held in a glass cake stand-- smoke surrounding it for dramatic effect. “Everlasting Sprinters!!” cried Kanye West proudly. “These will be on the next YEEZY launch! I invented these for people who have low stamina. You can put these Sprinters on and sprint and sprint and sprint and sprint just like Barry Allen!” “It’s like my Nike Vaporfly Next%! These shoes turned me into a runner like, so fast!” cried Madison Contour. Kanye instantly got offended by the use of the word ‘Nike’. “It is not like those shoes,” Kanye said. “Those shoes are for walking, if you ever raced somebody in YEEZY Sprinters, you’d be blown away! And these shoes get faster the longer you wear them! They never lose! NEVER! At least they haven’t lost yet. Not even Usain Bolt wearing Viperflys can beat Ye in Sprinters.” “Now, over here,” Kanye went on, skipping excitedly across the room to the opposite wall, “I’m inventing a whole new kind of VR,” he stopped near a bulky helmet with goggles. The helmet was so bulky, it wouldn’t of fit on Rudy Bucket’s small head. “This is the daydream helmet!” cried Kanye West. “You simply put this helmet on, and use your imagination, and the daydream will appear right before your very eyes! Your imagination is better than any movie!” “That sounds like a waste of time,” Axilla Steel said, “What’s the point if I already live my dream!” “Well, no my dear, you see, you lack brain cells. And creativity. You need those things to use this device. Now, over here, if you will all step this way, I will show you something that Kylie and I have worked together on, and we are terrifically
 proud of it. Don’t knock anything over! Stand back!” Kanye led the party over to a gigantic machine that stood in the very center of the Inventing Room. It was a mountain of gleaming metal that towered high above the children and their parents. Out of the very top of it, hundreds of lightbulbs flashing many colors-- it may of been just decoration, but all were flashing. “Alright, so boom,” professed Kanye, as he pressed three different buttons on the side of the machine. A second later, a mighty rumbling sound came from inside it, and the whole machine began to shake most frighteningly, steam beginning to hiss out of it all over. Hundreds of little glass tubes attached to the machine began to fill itself with runny material-- each tube a different color. Kanye pressed another button, as the machine continued on high maintenance; a whizzing and whirring noise began to take place. “Watch!” said Kanye. Click went the machine, and the whizzer stopped whizzing. And now there came a sort of sucking noise, which followed by a moment of silence. Then a few rumblings were heard. Then silence again. Then suddenly, the machine let out a monstrous screech, and at the same moment a tiny drawer (no bigger than the drawer in a cash register) popped out of the side of the machine, where a grate with a tube sticking out was present. Suddenly, a pink, pasty substance began filling the tube. Madison Contour knew exactly what this was. The children and their parents stared at this little tube upright in the drawer. “So that’s it?” said Adam Ruscello, disgusted. “Yeah that’s it..” answered Kanye, gazing proudly at the result. “So you all know my wife’s half sister Kyl--” “Allow me to explain!!” interrupted Madison Contour, the wacky Kylie Jenner stan, who’s enthusiasm reached a new height. “But you don’t know what this is..” Kanye reiterated. “I know gloss when I see it,” Madison answered. “Yeah well this isn’t gloss..” Kanye said, picking up the lipstick-like tube. “This is Kylie Cosmetics’ newest invention... ‘disposable lip fillers’, with this tube, you can up (or down) the size of your lips for a prolonged period of time, without seeing a doctor!” “This invention,” Kanye went on, “is the first collaboration between YEEZY and Kylie Cosmetics, and it’ll change the beauty industry in comprehensive ways!” “What kind of nonsense is this?” asked the father of Axilla Steel. “It’s kind of like ‘DIY plastic surgery’! But without the surgery. Nobody likes that part. And if the look isn’t for you, then the results will vanish within forty-eight hours!! These lip-tubes will also be under $50! No extra bills, no interviews with irritating surgeons! These sticks also come in six different flavors/colors! So far we have Cherry, Root Beer, Blueberry Pie, Peach, Hazelnut, and Tasteless.” “So, if I use this lip stick, I can choose the size of my lips on demand?” “Yes, I’m glad you’ve been listening,” said Kanye, grabbing the lipstick tube to show the group, “you press this button to turn it on, and this lever to adjust the size!” the tube had small flashing neon lights across it. “That’s impossible..” said Axilla Steel. “I’ll be the judge of this!” shouted Madison Contour, “just as long as it’s a Kylie Cosmetic product, then it’s for me!” And quickly she stepped away from the group, and faced Kanye. “Come on, hand over this magic lipstick of yours and we’ll see if the thing works.” “Madison.. honey..” said Ms. Contour, Madison’s mother. “WHAT mom?” “I would rather you didn’t take it,” Kanye told her gently. “You see, we haven’t got it quite right yet. There are still one or two things.....” “I don’t think you get it, I’d do anything to be a test rat for Kylie Jenner!” and suddenly, she snatched the tube out of Kanye’s hand. Kanye took a step back. “I’m warning you...” Madison went ahead and rubbed the gloss on her lips.. and adjusted her mouth to look smaller. “Mom, hand me my mirror!” Ms. Contour handed her daughter Madison’s foundation mirror. “OMG!! My upper-lip is growing! I finally look pretty!” then Madison considered something else, “I’ve always wanted a smaller septum..” “Stop!” said Kanye. “This invention is NOT ready yet! It’s not right!” “Of course it’s right.. Kylie made it!” Madison asserted, as she started rubbing the stick on her septum. “It’s working perfect! Oh my, I have such a cute nose now! “Well, this is quite the day for the Contour’s!” Madison’s mom stated. “My daughter is the first person in the world to try Kylie’s Disposable Lip Filler! “I’ve always wanted this mole on my wrist gone...” Poof, Madison vanished her mole. Everybody was watching Madison Contour as she stood there, making temporary enhancements on her body. “OMG! My ugly mole is off! Thank God!” shouted Madison. “Mom, I’m so happy we decided to come here today.. this is much better than shopping, I’m finally PRETTY!” “Um.. Maddie...” shrieked Ms. Contour. “Your lips are as red as a tomato!!” “Quiet mom, it’s lipstick.. have you forgot?” As her lips became an itchy, irritated red, as did the other areas she applied the stick to.. “Your nose is turning red! And your wrist! And your cheeks!” Suddenly, her face projected agonizing expressions, she pulled out her foundation mirror, and caught a glimpse of her irritated skin. Madison painfully clenched the mirror, breaking it, as she fell to her knees, and momentarily a fetal position. “SAVE US! Somebody get help!!” yelled Ms. Contour. “My daughter is suffering an allergic reaction!” “I told you we hadn’t got it quite right!” sighed Kanye, shaking his head angrily. “I’ll say you haven’t!” cried Ms. Contour. “Just look at my girl now!” Everybody was staring at Madison. And what a horrific, peculiar sight she was! Her red body was twitching from the itchy pain.. and her voice turned to a croak. “Help! Please!!” screamed her mother. “I feel sick,” Madison said. “She’s swelling up!” screamed Ms. Contour. “Call a doctor!” But there was no saving her now. Her body was swelling up as if she was laying on a fire ant hill. Adam Ruscello began recording the event on his iPhone, “I’m a moderator on WorldStar.. I need to do my job,” he told Ms. Contour. “It always happens like this..” sighed Kanye. “We’ve tried it twenty times on our mannequin, and every time, it burns to a crisp. It’s very annoying. I don’t understand it.” Within seconds, Kanye and about ten of the Sunday Service, helped Madison onto a stretcher, and escorted them across the Inventing Room towards the exit. Ms. Contour hurried after them. The rest of the party, including little Rudy Bucket and Colin Bucket, stood absolutely still and watched them go. “Listen!” whispered Rudy. “I think we’re going to get another song!” The voices, singing together as a choir, came loud and clear into the room: ‘MADDIE CONTOUR, MADDIE CONTOUR,The prideful, trifling, MADDIE CONTOUR,She did not grow up playing with dolls,Instead she was shopping at the mall,With parents that would buy her everything,All the make-up she’d ask for, as if she’s a queen, Bronzer, Concealer, Primer, Foundation, And she did not care about an education! She went to school with a toxic mindset, And would make the boys and girls upset, It’s all a shame, for she is quite pretty,But has the ugliest attitude in all of the city, She has never wanted a human friend, Because she’s obsessed with her mascara pen, She has never asked for any pet,Instead, self-image brought her to debt!And that is why we’ll try to ensure, That she will become a new Maddie Contour, Instead of suffering a horrid fate,She’s still quite young. It’s not too late. Provided she survives the cure. We hope she does. We can’t be sure.’ “Well..” sighed Kanye West, “two of you are gone, and three of you are still in.. I think we’d better get out of this room quickly before one of you touches something else!” “But, Kanye,” said Rudy Bucket anxiously, “will Maddie Contour ever be all right again?” “She’s going to be fine, bro” declared Kanye. “They are putting calamine lotion on her as we speak.” “But will she still be red all over?” asked Rudy. “She’ll look like she’s been tanning all day! Her skin will come out looking better than ever!” “Why would you show that girl a poisonous lipstick, if you knew how much she loved makeup?” Adam asked. “Huh? You’re going to have to speak up bro, I haven’t heard a word you’ve said all day! Now off we go! Hurry up! Follow me! We’re going back to the hallway..” And so saying, Kanye scuttled across to the far end of the Inventing Room and went out through a small secret door hidden behind a bookshelf. The three remaining children -- Axilla Steel, Adam Ruscello, and Rudy Bucket -- together with the two grown- ups, and one teenager, followed after him. Rudy Bucket saw that they were now back in the siren-red hallway, with many colored doors leading out of it. Kanye was rushing along the front, turning left and right and right and left, and Colin was saying, “Stay close to me Rudy-- we could get lost in here.” Kanye West was saying, “No more fooling around! We’ll never get anywhere at the rate of your walking!” And on he rushed, down the endless hall, his baggy outfit swishing behind them like a flag in the wind. They passed a door in the wall. “No time to go in,” shouted Kanye, “keep it moving! Keep it moving!” They passed another door, then another and another. There were doors every twenty paces or so along the hall now, and they all had something written on them, many of them scrapped titles of Kanye West projects. Strange clanking noises were coming out many of them, as well as discarded music motifs Rudy recalled on his walks past the factory. Colin and Rudy were pretty much jogging to keep up with Kanye, but they were able to read what it said on quite a few doors as they hurried by. TURBO GRAFX-16, it said on one. “That still isn’t ready.. But it will be one day!” shouted Kanye as he dashed by. “I got a song called Blazing Lasers with Ty Dolla $ign, it’s the sequel to Street Lights.. But no time to listen! We must go!” WALLPAPER SCREENS, it said on the next door. “I made technology that will turn your walls into screens! Big Murakami vibes in there.. We have it projected in 16K! The highest revolution in th---” “16K?” Interrupted Adam Ruscello. “Don’t interrupt Ye!” said Kanye. “The resolution of these walls transcends everything you’ve ever considered ‘high definition’”. “But we don’t even have 8k?” “Bro, you keep mumbling, I don’t understand a word you say,” said Kanye. “And I don’t care. On we go! Hurry up!” SO HELP ME GOD, it said on another door, “Ah, I had hopes for this album.. But ‘All Day’ still goes off!” “Why can’t we hear them?” asked Axilla Steel. “It was promised we were going to hear unreleased music!” “I promised no such thing!” Kanye retorted. YEEZY LIFTING BOOSTS, it said on the next door. “These right here, won’t just change fashion forever, but the human race itself!” cried Kanye. “You put these on, tap them like Dorthy and her slippers, and you’ll start flying! I gave these to my bro Kanye- Bear, and he flew away like Superman!” Kanye gave an uneasy laugh. “It’s sad, I miss my friend.. he’s like my other half!” On the next door, it said, YANDHI. 127 “Wait!” cried Kanye, skidding suddenly to a halt. “We outta check this one out..” Everybody stopped and crowded to the door. The entire door was made of glass-- a minimal style. The lanky Colin Bucket lifted Rudy so that he could get a better view. And looking in, Rudy saw a recording booth, and on the booth were buttons and levers, and a mini dvd disc drive. Five mini dvd’s were sitting on the table, each in a packaging that looked quite similar to YEEZUS (2013) “So, looks like you were kind of right about something!” Kanye said, referring to Axilla Steel, “each and every one of you are getting a copy of my newest album, YANDHI! Each of you thats still around, that is.” Kanye took a key from his pocket, and unlocked the door, and flung it open... As the group took a glimpse of the miniature dvd’s, their small faces became confused. “What is this?” Adam Ruscello spouted. “What are we supposed to do with these?” “They’re obviously discs! You put them in a disc drive!” “I’ve never seen CD’s like these.. and my parents work for Capital Records!” Axilla Steel claimed. “Well, you’re a child.. you really don’t know much about anything.” Kanye said. “Axilla, darling,” said Mr. Steel, “pay no attention to Kanye! He’s clearly a mess.” “Alright bro, at least I’m going to make sure North puts in the work if she ever wants to make music..” “What’s THAT supposed to mean?” asked Axilla’s father. “Oh, shut up bro,” said Kanye, “before neither of you get to hear the new album.” The group collectively grabbed the miniature discs and put them in their pockets. “Okay! We must make a move! We’re not going to sit here and listen to the thing, that’s for when you get home! Now follow Ye, please!” Kanye ordered. They left the room and continued in the siren-red hallway. Kanye turned left. Then right, and down a long flight of stairs. Kanye slid down the banisters. The three kids did too. Axilla’s dad was an unhealthy, bloated creature with short legs, he was huffing and puffing to an exaggerated extent. “This way!” cried Kanye West, turning left at the bottom of the stairs. “Go slower!” panted Mr. Steel. “Never,” said Kanye. “We would never get there in time if I did.” “Get where?” asked Axilla Steel.“Don’t be impatient,” said Kanye. “You just wait and see.” Kanye rushed down the hallway, THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR, it said on the next door they came to. “All right,” said Kanye, “stop here for a moment and catch your breath, go ahead and take a peek through the glass door. “But don’t go in! Whatever you do, don’t go into THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR! If you go in, you’ll disturb the YEEZY-BOTS!” Everyone crowded around the door. “Look, Colin, look!” cried Rudy. “Robots!” shouted Axilla Steel. It was an amazing sight. One hundred robots were seated in a futurist, coliseum-like auditorium. At the table they were seated at, they were given earbuds and notecards; the robots scribbled away at them, and discarded their earbuds frequently into a receptacle. “My YEEZY-bots are specifically trained for listening to everything in the upcoming G.O.O.D. music catalogue,” Kanye explained. “Why use robots?” Adam Ruscello asked. “Why not humans with actual opinions?” “Because they steal my ideas, bro!” said Kanye. “I can’t trust any other musician with G.O.O.D.’s art. I try my best to keep everything confidential, so I made these robots to make sure everything sounds fly. Aren’t they wonderful! They work like this for eight hours a day! I unplug them after eight though because here at YEEZY we like to conserve energy.” One of the robots ripped the portable earbuds off it’s ‘ears’, and threw them violently down a chute. “Look! Watch! See how that YEEZY-bot took off it’s earbuds and threw them? The robots all listen to the same song, and whoever doesn’t like it, will throw the buds down that shoot! Which ever song generates the most buds, gets axed!” The basic looking robot, with flashing red eyes, put it’s robot claws to it’s shaking face of disgust. The trash chute, had a digital dial near it, counting how many headphones were being collected for each track. “These YEEZY-bots are genius.. They wrote one of my tracks on YANDHI called “Lift Yourself! You won’t believe how awesome the track is!” “Hey, Daddy!” shouted Axilla Steel suddenly, “I’ve decided I want a robot! Get me one of those robots!” “Don’t be silly, sweetheart,” said Mr. Steel. “These all belong to Kanye!” “I don’t care about that!” shouted Axilla. “I want one. All I’ve got at home is two iPhone 11s, and four iPads and three Oculus Rifts’ and three sixty-inch 4k TVs, and three Playstation 5’s and my own clubhouse with a recording studio in it and a silly old dog! I want a robot!” “All right, my darling,” Mr. Steel said accordingly. “Mom will get you a robot just as soon as she possibly can.” “But I don’t want just any robot!” Axilla shouted. “I want a trained robot!” At this point, Mr. Steel, Axilla’s father, stepped forward. “Very well, Kanye,” he said importantly, taking out a wallet with hundreds in cash, “how much d’you want for one of these robots? Name your price.” “They’re not for sale,” Kanye answered. “She can’t have one.” “Who says I CAN’T!” shouted Axilla. “I’m going in to get myself one this very minute!” “DON’T!” said Kanye quickly, but he was too late. The girl had already thrown open the door and rushed in. The moment she entered the room, one hundred YEEZY-bots stopped what they were doing and turned their heads and stared at her with flashing red eyes. Axilla Steel stopped also, and stared back at them. Then her gaze fell upon a shiny, titanium YEEZY-bot sitting nearest to her at the end of the table. The YEEZY-bot was holding a pair of earbuds in it’s claws. “All right,” Axilla said, “I’ll have you!” She reached out her hands to grab the YEEZY-bot... but as she did so... in that first split second when her hands started to go forward, there was a sudden flash of movement in the room, like a flash of lightning, every single YEEZY-bot around the table went into red-alert, taking a giant leap towards her and landing on her body. Ten of them caught hold of her left leg. And a particular YEEZY-bot (obviously the leader of them all) grappled her shoulder and started carefully listening to the wretched girl screaming. “Save her!” screamed Mr. Steel. “Axilla! Come back! What are they doing to her?” “They’re testing her voice to see if it’s good or not,” said Kanye. “You watch.” Axilla struggled furiously, but the YEEZY-bots held her tight and she couldn’t move. Then all at once, the YEEZY-bots pulled Axilla to the ground and started carrying her across the floor. “My goodness, she has a bad voice after all,” said Kanye. “The YEEZY-bots are very in-tune to the culture.” “Where are they taking her?” shrieked Mr. Steel. “She’s going where all the other bad music goes,” said Kanye. “Down the chute.” “My goodness.. she is going down the chute?! SAVE HER!” cried Mr. Steel. “Too late,” said Kanye. “She’s gone!” And indeed she had. “But where?” shrieked Mr Steel, flapping his fat arms. “What happens to the rejected songs? Where does the chute go to?” “This particular chute,” Kanye explained, “goes to the cutting room floor! All the rejected ideas, whether it be music or fashion, go there to recycle!” “But ... but ... but ...” said Mr. Steel, “what do you mean recycle?” “To the furnace, of course!” Kanye said calmly. “To the incinerator!” Mr. Steel became flush in the face. It looked as if he were to faint. “Don’t worry!” said Kanye, “any idea that I can potentially bring back one day, gets caught in my system.. it looks an awful lot like the security screening at the airport! So not everything gets burnt to a crisp.” “Not everything!” yelled Mr. Steel. “My darling Axilla! She’ll ... she’ll ... she’ll be roasted like a marshmallow!” Mr Steel became infuriated, and got very close to Kanye. “I think you’ve gone a shade too far this time, KANYE.. I do indeed. My daughter may be a bit egocentric-- I don’t mind admitting it -- but that doesn’t mean you can broil her to a crisp! I’ll have you know I’m extremely angry about this, I really am.” “Bro, can you chill?” said Kanye. “I expect she’ll turn up again sooner or later. She may not even have gone down at all. She may be stuck in the chute just below the entrance hole, and if that’s the case, all you’ll have to do is go in and pull her up again.” Hearing this, Mr. Steel dashed into THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR and ran over to the hole in the floor and peered in. “AXILLA!” shouted Mr. Steel. “Are you down there?!” There was no answer. Mr. Steel bent further forward to get a closer look. He was now kneeling right on the edge of the hole with his head down and his enormous behind sticking in the air like a giant mushroom. It was a dangerous position to be in. He needed only one tiny little push ... one gentle nudge in the right place ... and that is exactly what the YEEZY-bots gave him! Over he toppled, into the hole head first, screaming even louder than Axilla. “Oh dear!” cried Rudy, who was watching with the others through the door, “what on earth’s going to happen to them now?” “I expect someone will catch them at the bottom of the chute,” said Kanye. “But what about the great fiery incinerator?” asked Rudy. “They only light it every other day,” said Kanye West. “Perhaps this is one of the days when they let it go out. You never know ... they might be lucky ...”“Look Rudy!” said Colin. “Listen! Here comes another song!” From far away down the corridor came the beating of 808s. Then the singing began. ‘AXILLA STEEL, AXILLA STEEL,A kid so mean she should be ignored! And a terrible pop star, so problematic She makes Azealia Banks look ecstatic And we did the world a favor too, By flushing her father down the loo To the incinerator, the scariest place, But we plan to save them, to see the look on their face, And hopefully they will look back at this encounter, And recognize their previous illusions of grandeur, And come back stronger, without a bother, The bratty kid, and her boneless record executive father.’ “I’ve never seen anything like it!” cried Kanye West. “These kids keep fading away! But don’t worry about it, they’ll be okay.” Kanye looked at the little group that stood beside him in the hall. There were only two children left now -- Adam Ruscello and Rudy Bucket. And there were one grown-up (Ms. Ruscello), and one teenager (Colin Bucket). “Shall we move on?” Kanye asked. “Let’s!” cried Rudy and Colin, both together. “My feet are getting tired,” said Adam Ruscello. “I’m ready to get back on Valorant.” “If you’re so tired then we’d better take my spaceship,” said Kanye. It’s over here. Come on! In we go!” He skipped across the passage to a pair of glass double doors. The doors slid open. The group went in. “Now then,” cried Kanye, “which button shall we press first? Take your pick!” Rudy Bucket stared around him in astonishment. He has never been near a spaceship-- not even a replica in a science museum. Buttons were everywhere! The walls, and even the ceiling, were covered all over with rows and rows of neon bright push buttons! There must have been a thousand of them on each wall, and another thousand on the ceiling! And now Rudy noticed that every single button had a tiny printed label beside it telling you which room you would be taken to if you pressed it. “This isn’t just an ordinary up-and-down lift” announced Kanye proudly. “Elon helped create this glass spacecraft alongside his Space X program, and it can actually go to space! It can also visit any single room in the whole factory, no matter where it is! You simply press the button... and boom! You’re off!” “Wow!” murmured Colin. His eyes were shining with excitement as he stared at the rows of buttons. “The whole lift is made of thick, clear glass!” Kanye declared. “Walls, doors, ceiling, floor, everything is made of glass so that you can see out!” “But there’s nothing to see,” said Adam Ruscello. “Choose a button!” said Kanye. “The two children may press one button each. So hurry up! Choose something, in every room, there’s something really dope to see.” Quickly, Rudy started reading some of the labels alongside the buttons. YEEZY SCUBA DIVING -- 10,000 FEET DEEP, it said on one. YEEZY CALABASAS HEADQUARTERS, it said on another. Then ... TYLER OKONMA’S STUDIO.YZY QNTM BARIUM -- CREATION ROOM KENDAL + KYLIE CLOTHING COLLECTION - ALL SIZES YZY GAP CATALOGUE . TESLA HEADQUARTERS, CA 2020 CAMPAIGN ROOM. ABSTRACT MINDSTAGE. YEEZY CAMPUS, CODY WY 142 INVISIBLE YEEZY 350 BOOSTS (INVISIBLE PRODUCT ROOM) “Come on, come on!” cried Kanye. “We don’t have all day!” “Isn’t there some kind of gaming room?” asked Adam Ruscello. “Yeah bro we got something like that,” Kanye said. “That button over there.” He pointed with his finger. Everybody looked. THE STREAMING ROOM, it said on the tiny label beside the button. “Yoooooo!” shouted Adam Ruscello. “That’s where we are going.” He stuck out his thumb and pressed the button. Instantly, there was a tremendous whizzing noise. The doors clanged shut and the spaceship leaped away as though it had been stung by a wasp. But it leapt sideways! And all the passengers (except Kanye West, who was holding on to a strap from the ceiling) were flung off their feet on to the floor. “Get up, get up!” cried Kanye, laughing his butt off. But just as they were staggering to their feet, the spaceship changed direction and swerved violently round a corner. And over they went once more. “Help!” shouted Ms. Ruscello. “Take my hand, Ms!” said Kanye gallantly. “Now grab this strap! Everybody grab a strap. The journey’s not over yet!” This elevator/spaceship experience was specifically built to mimic real space travel. Collin staggered to his feet and caught hold of a strap. Little Rudy, who couldn’t possibly reach as high as that, put his arms around Colin’s lanky legs and hung on tight. The ship rushed on a the speed of a rocket. Now it was beginning to climb. It was shooting up and up and up on a steep course as if it were climbing up a very steep hill. Then suddenly, as though it had come to the top of the hill and gone over a precipice, it dropped like a stone and Rudy felt his stomach in a knot. Kanye shouted, “HERE WE GO!!” and Ms Ruscello cried out, “We’re going to die!!” and Kanye said, “Chill out, lady..” and patted her comfortingly on the arm. And then Colin looked down at his little brother who was clinging to his legs, and said, “Are you all right, Rudy?” Rudy shouted, “Yes!! I’m okay!” And now the lift began flattening out again, but it seemed to be going faster than ever, and Rudy could hear the scream of the wind outside as it hurtled forward... and it twisted... and it turned... and it went up... and it went down... and... “I’m going to be sick!” yelled Ms. Ruscello, turning green in the face. “Please don’t be sick,” said Kanye. “There’s no reason for that.” Kanye handed the woman a Tums tablet. “Make this awful thing stop!” ordered Ms. Ruscello. “Can’t do that,” said Kanye. “It won’t stop till we get there. I only hope no one’s using the other spaceship at this moment.” “What other spaceship?” screamed Ms. Ruscello. “The one that goes the opposite way on the same track as this one,” said Kanye. Ms. Ruscello began screaming in fear.“I’ve always been lucky so far!” said Kanye. “Now I’m going to be sick!” cried Ms. Ruscello. “Oh no you’re not!” said Kanye. “I had my outfit designed for today, and I plan on putting it in a museum once we’re through!” The next moment, the sound of an engine calmed, and the spaceship began to slow down. Then it stopped altogether. “Whew..” said Colin, wiping his sweaty face with his shirt. “NEVER AGAIN,” gasped Ms. Ruscello. And then the doors of the spaceship arched open and Kanye said, “Just a minute now! Listen to Ye! I want everybody to be very careful in this room. There is dangerous stuff in here that I don’t want you to touch.”
 Adam and his mother, together with Rudy and Colin, stepped out of the lift into a room so dazzlingly minimal &amp; titanium that they screwed up their eyes in pain and stopped walking. Kanye handed each of them a pair of dark, shutter-shade glasses. “Put these on quick! And don’t take them off in here whatever you do! The light could blind you!” As soon as Rudy had his shutter-shades on, he was able to look around in comfort. He saw a long narrow room. The room was painted white all over. Even the floor was white, and there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. From the ceiling, huge lamps hung down and bathed the room in a brilliant blue- white light. The room was completely bare except at the far ends. At one of these ends was an oversized GoPro, attached to a wall mount. Many of the Sunday Service clustered around it, adjusting it’s focus, and polishing its great lens. They all dressed in navy, full track suits from YEEZY Season 8. They were surrounding the plus-size GoPro in complete silence. Watching them, Rudy experience an odd sense of danger... There was something dangerous about this entire factory. At the other end of the room, about fifty paces away from the camera, laid a giant machine-- matching the Transporter on Star Trek. Rudy recognized this as some sort of teleportation device. “It’s about to get liit!” cried Kanye, laughing and hopping up and down with excitement. “This is the Testing Room for my very latest and greatest invention -- YEEZY HOLOGRAM!” “But what is YEEZY Hologram?” asked Adam Ruscello. “Yo, kid, you’re going to have to stop interrupting me!” said Kanye. “It works by GoPro.. I don’t like streaming myself. I guess it’s cool here and there, but kids watch these streamers all day long, staring and staring at the screen ...” “That’s me!” said Adam Ruscello “I know,” said Kanye, “Now I will show you how this amazing invention of mine works. But first of all, do you know how ordinary web-cameras work? They’re simple. At one end, where the picture is being taken, the device snips an image of what is in front of it. Then, the photographs are split up into millions of tiny little pieces which are so small that you can’t see them, and these little pieces are shot out into the atmosphere by electricity. In the sky, they go all over the place until suddenly they hit the router of somebody’s house. They then go flashing down the wire that leads right into the back of their computer, and in there they get mixed around until at last, every single one of those millions of tiny pieces is fitted back into its right place (like a puzzle), and BOOM! -- the image appears on screen...” “That’s not how it works,” Adam Ruscello interrupted. “I’m getting kind of deaf in my old age,” Kanye said. “You must forgive me if I don’t hear everything you say.” “I said, that isn’t exactly how it works!!!!” shouted Adam Ruscello. “You’re a cool kid,” Kanye said, “but you talk too much. Now then! When I went to Coachella in 2014, I saw that Tupac hologram.. and I got inspired. I thought, if there could be two of Tupac, there could be two of Ye!” “Impossible!” said Adam Ruscello. “You think so?” cried Kanye. “Well, watch this!” Kanye starts taking off his shoes. “I’m going to make a hologram of my shoes! Get ready!” Immediately, members of the Sunday Service begun flipping switches and pressing buttons amongst the GoPro. “Get ready! No, no! Stop! Hold everything! You there! Adam! GET OUT OF MY FRAME! There are dangerous rays coming out of that thing! They could break you up into a million pieces in one second! That’s why everyone is wearing the same outfit.. for protection! All right! That’s better! Now, then! Switch on!” One of the Sunday Service caught hold of a large switch and pulled it down. There was a blinding flash. “The shoes are gone!” shouted Colin, waving his arms. He was quite right! The shoes Kanye was wearing had disappeared into thin air! “Yo, so check it out,” said Kanye. “It is now rushing through the air above our heads in a million pieces!” He dashed over to the other end of the room where the Transporter was. Suddenly, a holographic pair of YEEZY’s appeared! Adam Ruscello stood surprised, “Wow!” Colin and Rudy also looked at the holograph in awe. It looked far more realistic than the Tupac hologram from 2014. “That’s absolutely fantastic!” gasped Colin. “Think about it,” cried Kanye, “one day, we can start using this across the country ... Instead of streaming yourself through images, a hologram will appear to hang out with all your loved ones! How about it eh?” “So cool!” cried Colin. “It’ll change the world!” Adam Ruscello was even more excited than Colin Bucket at seeing the holographic pair of shoes. “What else could you make into a hologram?” “What else?” Kanye started to think. “We tried food.. but nobody is trying to eat holographic meatloaf,” Kanye said laughing, while the group stayed silent. “We also did North’s dog.. Sushi. And it worked! Now we have a ghostly pup running around!” “What about people?” asked Adam. “Could you turn a real live person into a hologram?” “We haven’t gotten that right yet. Sure, it could and it will be done one day, but this is still a new invention!” “So, it could be done?” “I suppose it could... yes. I’m pretty sure it could... of course it could... I wouldn’t like to risk it, though... it might have some very nasty results...” But Adam Ruscello was already off and running. The moment he heard Kanye saying, “I’m pretty sure it could... of course it could,” he stopped listening and started running as fast as he could toward the other end of the room to the GoPro. “Look at me!” he shouted as he ran. “I’m going to be the first streamer to become a hologram!!” “No, no, no, no!” cried Kanye. “Adam!” screamed his Ms. Ruscello. “Stop! Come back! You’ll be turned into a million tiny pieces!” But there was no stopping him now. The crazy boy rushed on, and when he reached the enormous camera, he jumped straight for the switch, scattering the Sunday Service right and left as he went. “Peace out!!” he shouted, and he pulled down the switch, and as he did so, he leaped out into the full glare of the giant lens. ZAP. Out came a blinding flash. Then there was silence. Then Ms. Ruscello ran forward ... but she stopped dead in the middle of the room ... and she stood there ... she stood staring at the place where her son had been ... she then opened her mouth and screamed, “He’s gone! He’s gone!” Kanye hurried forward and placed a hand gently on Ms. Ruscello’s shoulder. “We can only hope for the best,” he said. “We must pray that your little boy will come out unharmed at the other end.” “What happened to Sushi when you zapped it?” “Exactly this. Sushi became a hologram! It’s still the same dog. Only different.” “ADAM!!” screamed Ms. Ruscello, clasping her head in her hands. “Where are you?!” “He’s in a million pieces, all around us!” claimed Kanye. “I don’t want to hear it!!” “He will be coming out of the Transporter” said Kanye, focusing their attention on the machine. “He may come through any moment now.” Ms. Ruscello, Colin, little Rudy and Kanye all gathered round the Transporter and waited tensely. The scene was awfully quiet. “He’s taking a heck of a long time to come across,” said Kanye, checking his wristwatch. “I do hope that no part of him gets left behind.” “What on earth do you mean?!” asked Ms. Ruscello sharply. “I don’t intend to rile you up any more,” said Kanye, “but whenever you download things through the internet, it downloads in sporadic pieces. Sometimes it will come out incomplete, it happened last week. I don’t know why, but the result was only half of a pair of pants came through.” Ms. Ruscello let out a scream of horror. “You mean only a half of Adam is coming back to us?” she cried. “Let’s hope it’s the top half!” said Kanye. Suddenly, the Transporter started making a whirring noise. “Hold everything!” said Kanye. “Look at the Transporter! Something’s happening!” The Transporter had suddenly begun to flicker. Then some wavy projections appeared. Kanye adjusted one of the knobs and the wavy projection became clear. Very slowly, the projection began to get brighter and brighter. “Here he comes!” yelled Kanye. “Yep, that’s him all right!” “Is he all in one piece?” cried Ms. Ruscello. “I’m not sure,” said Kanye. “It’s too early to tell.” Faintly at first, but becoming clearer and clearer every second, the hologram of Adam Ruscello appeared in front of the group. He was standing up and waving at them, grinning from ear to ear. “He’s see through!!!” shouted Ms. Ruscello, “Honey!! Are you okay? Talk to me! Say something! Tell me you’re all right!” A static-filled voice, came out of the hologram boy. “Look mom! I’m the first ever holographic living human!” “Somebody grab him!” ordered Kanye. “Quick!” A member of the Sunday Service came out with special gloves, and grabbed the ghostly figure of Adam Ruscello. “Hooray!” laughed Kanye. “He’s all in one piece! He’s completely unharmed!” “You call that unharmed?!” snapped Ms. Ruscello, peering at the see-through boy who was getting handled by the Sunday Service. “He’s completely see-through!” “Of course he is,” said Kanye. “What did you expect?” “This is terrible!” wailed Ms. Ruscello. “What are we going to do? We can’t send him back to school like this! He can’t even hold a pencil in that shape! He won’t be able to do anything!” “No school? Hooray!!!” shouted the ghost of Adam Ruscello, “I’ll be able to stream 24/7!” “NO!” shouted Ms. Ruscello. “I’m throwing that Computer in the garbage once we go home. I’ve heard enough about ‘your stream’!” The Sunday Service gave Ms. Ruscello the special gloves to grab ahold of her son. “Kanye..” wailed Ms. Ruscello, “how can we make him whole again?” “Well,” said Kanye, stroking his goatee and gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling, “It’s going to be tricky.. But in some time, we can maybe turn him into a YEEZY-bot! But he won’t look like a robot, he’ll look like the movie ‘Ex-Machina’! “Oh no!” cried Ms. Ruscello, “he will become one of those evil robots!” “Don’t be silly,” said Kanye. “The robots on ‘Ex- Machina’ were really fly... and the YEEZY-bots are not evil. They’re just programed to hate terrible singing voices.” Kanye then got the attention of a Sunday Service member, “hey, yo bro!” instantly, they appeared in front of the group. “Check it out..” Kanye showed the holographic kid, and handed a piece of paper on which he had written full instructions. “Goodbye, Ruscello family! Please don’t look so worried! Your son will soon be better than ever!” The Sunday Service then connected hand to hand, and began pounding 808s to jog up and down to the rhythm. “This right here, is music to my ears!” said Kanye. Little Rudy caught Colin’s lanky arm, and the two of them stood beside Kanye in the middle of the long&nbsp;bright room, listening to the Sunday Service. And this is what they sang: ‘ADAM Ruscello, ADAM Ruscello, A boy who lives behind a bright screen, Dosing himself with sugar and caffeine, The most important thing we’ve learned, So far as children are concerned, Is never, NEVER, let them join the Gram, Or Twitch, or Youtube, for that matter, Sitting behind a screen for hours will make your brain scatter They sit and stare and stare and sit, Until they’re hypnotized by it, Until they’re absolutely drunk, With all that shocking, ghastly junk It rots the senses in the head It kills the imagination deadI t clogs and clutters up the mind! It makes a child so dull and blind!’ “Which room will it be next?” said Kanye as he turned away and darted into his spaceship. “Come on! Hurry up! We got to get a move on! How many kids are left now?” Little Rudy looked at his teenage brother, and Colin looked back at little Rudy. “Ye..” Colin called after him, “there’s... there’s only Rudy and I left now.” Kanye swung around and stared at Rudy. There was a silence. “You mean you’re the only one left?” Kanye said, pretending to be surprised. “Why, yes,” whispered Rudy. “Yes.” Kanye suddenly exploded with excitement. “Bro!” he cried out, “you won, bro!” He rushed out of the lift and started shaking Rudy’s hand so furiously it nearly came off. “I congratulate you!” he cried. “I really do! I’m totally delighted! It couldn’t be better! How wonderful this is! I had a feeling from the beginning, you know, that it was going to be you! Well done Rudy! Well done! This is terrific! Now the fun is really going to start! But we must be on our way! There’s even less time to lose now than there was before! We have so many things to do before the day is out! And the people I gotta call up! The arrangements that have to be made! But lucky for us, we have the great spaceship to speed things up! Jump in, Rudy! You too, Colin! No, no, after you! That’s the way! Now then! This time I choose the button we are going to press!” Something crazy is going to happen now, Rudy thought. But he wasn’t frightened. He wasn’t excited, either. He was very anxious. And so was Colin. The teen’s face was shining from the sweat dripping down his chin, as he watched every move that Kanye made. Kanye was reaching for a button high up on the glass spaceship. Rudy and Colin craned their necks to read what it said on the little label beside the button. It said ... UP AND OUT.“Up and out,” thought Rudy. “What sort of a room is that?” Kanye pressed the button. The doors locked. “Hold on!” cried Kanye. Then BOOM! The lift shot straight up like a rocket! Rudy held on to Colin’s legs and Kanye was holding on to a strap from the ceiling, and up they went, up, up, up, straight up this time, with no twistings or turnings, and Rudy could hear the whistling of the air outside as the lift went faster and faster. “FASTER!” cried Kanye, banging the wall of the lift with his hand. “FASTER! FASTER! If we don’t go any faster than this, we’re never going to make it through!” “Through what?” shouted Colin. “Ah-ha!” cried Kanye, “you wait and see! I’ve been longing to press this button for years! But I’ve never done it until now! I was tempted many times. Oh, yes, I was tempted. But I couldn’t bear crashing through the roof of my factory. Here we go, boys! Up and out!” “But you don’t mean ...” shouted Colin, “you don’t really mean that this spaceship...” “Oh yes, I do!” answered Kanye. “You wait and see!” “But... but... but... it’s made of glass!” shouted Colin. “It’ll break into a million pieces! “I suppose it might,” said Kanye, cheerful as ever, “but it’s pretty thick glass, all the same.” The lift rushed on, going up and up and up, faster and faster and faster... Then suddenly, BOOM! -- and the most tremendous noise of splintering wood and broken tiles came from directly above their heads. Colin shouted, “Help!! It’s the end! We’re done for!” “NO, we’re not! We’re through! We’re out!” Sure enough, the spaceship shot right up through the roof of the YEEZY factory and was now rising into the sky, the sunshine pouring in through the glass roof. In five seconds, they were a thousand feet up in the sky. “This ship is going to explode!” shouted Colin. Calmly, Kanye pressed another button. The ship stopped. It was hovering mid-air, hovering over the factory and over Chicago itself which lay spread out below them like a postcard. Looking down the glass floor on which he was standing, Rudy could see the neighborhoods and snow that lay thickly over everything. It was an eerie and frightening feeling to be as high in the sky as they were. The lift began hovering high over the town. “I love inventing, and I love my YEEZY factory..” said Kanye, gazing down. Then he paused, and turned around and looked at Rudy with a most serious expression on his face. “Do you love it too, Rudy?” he asked. “Y-yeah..” Rudy stuttered. “It was.. unlike anything I’ve ever seen.” “Cool, bro..” said Kanye, looking more serious than ever. “I’m glad you said that, I’ll tell you why.” Kanye cocked his head to one side and all the once generated a smile across the corners of his eyes, “you see, I’ve decided to make you a present of the whole place. As soon as you’re old enough to run it, the place is yours.” Rudy stared at Kanye. Colin opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. “I’m really giving it to you, Rudy. That’s all right, isn’t it?” “Giving it to him?” gasped Colin. “I’m dead serious.” “But ... but ... why should you want to give your factory to little Rudy?” “Because,” Kanye said, “I’m getting older. Much older. I’ve always said ‘listen to the kids bro’, and I want to stick by that. My life changes more and more every year. Sometimes it’s so fast, I don’t even notice it. Each year, I feel more disconnected from the general population than ever. I’ve already opened up a couple YEEZY factories, I’m going to open more... and I can’t run them all. I have Kim, North, Saint, Psalm, and Chicago, and my hologram dog, Sushi. Mind you, there are thousands of leaders I know who would give anything to take over from me, but... I wanted somebody who reminded me of myself, when I was young and had an entire destiny ahead of me. I wanted that connection again.” “So that is why you sent out the Golden Records!” cried Rudy. “And to boost sales, but yeah” Kanye said. “I decided to have five young people come into my factory, and you’re the winner Rudy! I think you’d be great.” “But.. Ye,” stammered Colin, “do you really and truly mean that you are giving this factory to little Rudy? After all...” “Bro, yes. I meant it. Now we must go and grab the rest of your family! They can all live in the factory from now on! You wouldn’t believe how spacious the new YEEZY SHLTRS are! They can all help Rudy until he is old enough to do it himself! Point out where you live, Rudy!” Rudy peered down through the glass floor at the snow-covered streets that lay below. “It’s over there,” he said, pointing. “Near the DONDA house!” Kanye said, grinning. “I see it!” Kanye pressed a few more buttons, and headed into that direction. As the spaceship made it’s way to the Bucket residence, Rudy thought about how things were as shortly as ten hours ago, and how different everything will be from here on out. A side of him felt like he was the last one to make it on a horror movie, the other side of him felt immensely lucky. Either way, the feeling was completely overwhelming. works cited&nbsp; A Timeline of Kanye West’s 41 Years of Excellence - REVOLT.” REVOLT, REVOLT, 8 June 2018, https://www.revolt.tv/ 2018/6/8/20819428/a-timeline-of-kanye-west-s-41-years-of- excellence. Bender, Kelli. “Kardashian Pets, Kylie Jenner’s Dogs: Guide to the Animals | people.com. 27 Dec. 2019, https:// people.com/pets/a-complete-guide-to-all- the-pets-the- kardashians-and-jenners-are-caring-for-right-now/. Binkley, Christina. “The Creation and the Myth of Kanye West - WSJ.” WSJ, The Wall Street Journal, 25 Mar. 2020, https:// www.wsj.com/articles/the-creation-and-the-myth-of-kanye- west-11585139341. Garcia, Patricia. “Kanye West’s Mysterious NASA-Related Project | Vogue.” Vogue, Vogue, 16 Mar. 2017, https:// www.vogue.com/article/kanye-west-nasa-secret-project. Gilbert, Ben. “Kanye West’s IPhone Game ‘Only One’ about His Mother Is in Limbo, Insiders Say - Business Insider.” Business Insider, Business Insider, 31 Aug. 2017, https:// www.businessinsider.com/kanye-west- only-one-video-game-limbo-2017-7. Hooton, Christopher. “Mark Zuckerberg Has Responded to Kanye’s Call for Him to ‘Invest 1 Billion Dollars in Kanye West Ideas’ | The Independent.” The Independent, The Independent, 18 Feb. 2016, https:// www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/ mark-zuckerberg- responds-to-kanye-s-call-for-him-to-invest-1- billion-dollars-in-kanye-west-ideas- a6881291.html. “Kanye West Planning Honeymoon in Space? | NME.” NME Music News, Reviews, Videos, Galleries, Tickets and Blogs | NME.COM, https://www.facebook.com/nmemagazine/, 12 Jan. 2014, https://www.nme.com/news/music/kanye- west-482-1229866. “Kanye West Says He Has a Problem With the ‘Sneak Disses’ On Travis Scott’s ‘Sicko Mode’ With Drake | Billboard.” Billboard, 14 Dec. 2018, https:// www.billboard.com/articles/columns/ hip-hop/8490297. McDermont, Meave. Jay-Z Disses Kanye West. 30 Nov. 2018, https://www.usatoday.com/story/ life/music/2018/11/30/jay- z-disses-kanye-west-and-his-maga-hat-new-meek-mill-song/ 2160312002/. Primeau, Jamie. “Who Is Kanye West’s Dad? Just Like His Son, He’s Had Quite A Range Of&nbsp;Careers Over The Years.” Bustle, Bustle, 10 Mar. 2016, https:// www.bustle.com/articles/ 147197-who-is-kanye-wests-dad- just-like-his-son-hes-had-quite-a-range-of-careers. “Short Clip Where Kanye Cites Thom Yorke as an Influence (Post-MBDTF) : Radiohead.” Reddit, short_clip_where_kanye_cites_thom_yorke_as_an/. Accessed 26 June 2020. Swartz, Tracy. “Kanye West’s Childhood Home in Chicago Has a Long History - Chicago Tribune.” Chicagotribune.Com, Chicago Tribune, 15 May 2020, https:// www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/tv/ct-ent- kanye-west-childhood-home-chicago- lawsuit-20200515- mt2b5ynd6ngepjka73eepi
 https://nicktomasello.com/3 Wed, 09 Feb 2022 14:47:09 +0000 Nick Tomasello https://nicktomasello.com/3 Nick Tomasello was born in 1995, he’s a content enthusiast and author of sorts. In 2018, Tomasello conducted a weekly newsletter on the UCF campus titled ‘free spirit’, highlighting events,&nbsp; realizations, and art amongst the alternative student body. He released ‘the yeezy factory’ a writing project, in 2020. His ultimate writing goal is to show his desire for entertainment culture and immerse one in a controlled moment. goodreads.com/nick_tomasello https://letterboxd.com/actiontomasello <img width="3024" height="4032" width_o="3024" height_o="4032" data-src="https://freight.cargo.site/t/original/i/08e2f276b856dcf067bdc90d0566a68b3a2589b2d6508f023217102aadd65e10/IMG_8908-3.png" data-mid="133010752" border="0" data-scale="79" src="https://freight.cargo.site/w/1000/i/08e2f276b856dcf067bdc90d0566a68b3a2589b2d6508f023217102aadd65e10/IMG_8908-3.png" /> https://nicktomasello.com/Logo Wed, 09 Feb 2022 14:47:10 +0000 Nick Tomasello https://nicktomasello.com/Logo Nick Tomasello &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<img width="5464" height="8192" width_o="5464" height_o="8192" data-src="https://freight.cargo.site/t/original/i/799b4c4255c68a1779a37736c9370e6563293a7a96b4c151c49f97234525b122/modolpic.JPG" data-mid="181684416" border="0" data-scale="34" src="https://freight.cargo.site/w/1000/i/799b4c4255c68a1779a37736c9370e6563293a7a96b4c151c49f97234525b122/modolpic.JPG" />